Does anybody read these?

The one-week freak out

This time next week, I will have to have my car loaded up and ready to go so I can leave here by 7 a.m. to pick Rosalie up at the airport Wednesday morning.

I woke up this morning and realized that I am fat, with no chance of losing at least 40 pounds by next week.

Between being sick and flooded out, I've had no time to go tanning. I bought some Hawaiian Tropic (or was it Banana Boat?) tan accelerator, so I think I'm going to slather that on and try 10 minutes a day every day for the next week. That might help. I just don't want to be the whitest person in America.

I am thinking my cousin has no time to replace my windshield, so it might just have a crack in it. I am cleaning my car this weekend.

All of our tailgating supplies seem to be under control. I just need to get the stuff like the cooler, lawn chairs, etc. out of the garage and load it up next Tuesday. Everything that needed to be ordered has been ordered.

My room is a mess and since Rosalie is staying with me between Kentucky and the airport Sunday night, I really need to clean before I leave home.

I should also try to find something to wear. But seriously, no time to lose the 40 pounds?!?

And, of course, I woke up today and realized that I am nervous as hell. I am looking very forward to seeing my friends, but I am absolutely dreading embarrassing the hell out of myself in front of the boy of my dreams. I have run every bad scenario through my head, and I'm a bit frightened. Things seem fine, but I guess every time I get my hopes up, I knock them back down.

I guess I'm proud of myself for trying to do this. And I do honestly and truly understand that I have nothing to lose really (except, of course, for what little pride and self-esteem I have), with the posibility of everything to gain. And I guess that if I have to get completely and totally shot down by a boy I'm glad that my friends will be there to pick me up (although not sure I really want them to see it!).

But as much as I try to convince myself that it is his loss if nothing happens, I know that's just something we tell ourselves so we feel a little less shitty about getting rejected.

Maybe I won't get rejected. I guess the chances are just as good that I won't. I am just so hopeless when it comes to men. I don't know how to flirt, and I'm not particularly sexy. I'm just really worried that I'm going to look silly.

Oh, and did I mention that I'm pretty sure that I can't lose 40 pounds in a week?!?

posted by Laura at 9:06 PM