Since we last talked...
Wow, what a month it’s been. When I last talked to you all, I was supposedly closing on my house “any day now.” Well, it’s been a month, and I’m still waiting to close on my house “any day now.” I will believe that I own a house when I have keys in my hand. And if it doesn’t happen soon, I’m taking the money I’ve saved up and going to Europe.
As soon as I renew my passport.
I haven’t even officially become a homeowner, and there’s already drama with my HOA. I can’t wait until I can get on the board and shake things up. The newest thing is that we have to buy parking stickers that have to be on our cars or they’re going to tow our own vehicles out of our own numbered parking spots?
That is officially one of the top-ten dumbest things I’ve ever heard. There’s this thing in life called being a grown-up. And part of being a grown-up means if someone is parking in your assigned, numbered parking space, which I might mention is deeded to you and is your own personal property and you don’t like it, you have a few options. You can a) tell them to get off your property or b) call a tow truck and have their ass towed. It’s really not that complicated.
Welcome to home ownership.
But now we have to have parking passes, which we have to pay money for. To park in our own numbered, assigned, deeded parking spots. Which is kind of bullshit, because it IS my property. And if I want to let you park on my property and park my car elsewhere (which I am sometimes known to do when I have guests), then that’s my god-given right. We did that in our assigned parking spaces in college, and it wasn’t an issue. You know why? Because unless we called to complain, no one actually knew there was someone parking in our spot. I’m guessing that in addition to paying for parking passes, I’m also paying to have tow trucks patrol our neighborhood and look for stickers. And they will, because they can make a lot of money that way. And someone’s going to get accidentally towed and there’s going to be some pissed off people, unlike the other way around.
I guess if that is the biggest issue I have, I will be OK. And, really, the fact that I was hoping to close this week, and it’s really not looking good is about to become my biggest issue.
Urgh. Remind me again why I wanted to buy a house?
Nah, it’ll be fine, just as soon as I get settled. I’m just freaking out because I have a lot to do and I am running out of time. But I’ll get it done; I always do.
Fear and loathing in NashVegas
My apologies to Hunter S. Thompson for making a play on the title of his amazing novel. Maybe someday, when I grow up, I might be half the journalist he was.
Maybe.
The cutesy play on words was my attempt at being funny about a subject that has ceased being funny.
Many moons ago, I used to jokingly tell people my weight loss plan was to get so fat that Richard Simmons had to come and save me. It was a joke, of course, and people would laugh. But, Richard is a pretty inspirational guy, and while I'm glad he's never come to my house with a crane, maybe I could use one of his pep talks.
Hell, I'd even sweat to the oldies if he asked me. I just draw the line at wearing short shorts like he does.
All kidding aside, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Normally when I feel like this, I at least come up with a plan on what I'm going to do to get all this weight off. Probably half the time that plan gets discarded with some empty Cheetos bags, but at the knowledge that I'd eventually try again was always there. Maybe the Cheetos would be, maybe not.
This time, I've gotten shot down, and I'm not really interested in getting up. Yes, I'm distressed at the fact that my clothes don't fit and my ass is the size of a house. Yes, I'm distressed that it's getting harder to navigate a flight of stairs. Yes, I worry that I'm going to make myself sick because I can't get better.
It's all there, and then I just file it away and stop caring.
I have hit the portion of our program where I feel completely and totally hopeless. Where I realize that I could work my ass off and lose weight, but I'm just going to gain it all back and have to do it again, so I'm not really sure what the point is. Sounds like a big waste of time.
I was in a different place less than 24 hours ago. I was going to go to the pool. I was looking at running shoes. I'd even made up my mind that I might try a half marathon again, figuring if I gave myself nine months to train I'd be fine. After all, I did it in five months last time.
Now, I'm in my office with the door closed, crying, and typing this on my lunch break because I have absolutely no desire to eat. Yes, I know that's not healthy, but at the same time I know that I'd have to go many, many days without eating before it would be an issue. I also know that last time I felt so shitty I lost all desire to eat I lost 20 pounds in 28 days. Yeah, I was so weak I could barely get up the stairs in my house, but I looked great.
It's been a long time since I hated myself, and I'm pretty much there right now. It's been so long that I don't know how to fix it. And perhaps more frightening, I'm not sure I want to fix it.
I spend so much time in my little clueless vacuum thinking that people who dislike me because of my weight are the people who have a problem. I'm beginning to suspect that I'm wrong.
Maybe I need to hate myself so I'll want to do something about it. Maybe that's what it takes to get away from the Cheetos.
I don't know anymore. I don't know about anything. I think I've just reached the point where I'm shutting down and disconnecting. I'm sure that can't be healthy, but neither is being the size of a small heifer (hiefer? That's a hard word to spell.).
Maybe I'm just in a funk. I ran out of anti-depressants and I'm still debating what to do about my prescription because of this new HSA we have at work. But, maybe, the clock has just run out.
No idea. Not even sure why I'm saying this, although I do feel well enough to put the tissues away.
Progress, I say. All I know is that I'm not buying new pants, so I need to come up with a plan.
A real one. Not some bullshit plan that involves Cheetos.
Whole lotta updates
First, quick house update: loan is approved, house passed inspection. Now I wait to see when I get to close. Trying to decide if I really need to shut the utilities off from the inspection and turn them back on when I close. Haven't done it yet, and no one's said anything. But I don't want to screw anything up either. Oh, I'm also waiting to hear from the homeowners' association about putting a fence around my deck because it's up so high.
In this new-fangled effort to improve myself, I've worn jewelry to work today. I even sprayed on a nice perfume. I have not, however, attempted to put on make-up. That will require waking up earlier. It's a miracle I am awake and clothed when I arrive here each morning. However, the new house has a separate tub and shower and being that I'm not a huge fan of teeny-tiny showers, I will probably start taking baths in the evening and adjusting my routine. Perhaps that will translate to time for make-up. We'll see, but I wouldn't hold my breath. Some people are just not girly.
House. Girliness. What else?
Oh, because I am down to only a few pairs of pants that still fit, I am going to get serious about losing weight starting Jan. 1. I know everyone says that, but I have to. I'm starting to feel unhealthy, and I don't like that feeling. I know I'll never be thin, but I'd really love to fit into my pants. I'm not going back to Weight Watchers, though. Or at least that's not the current plan. I suck ass at keeping track of points. I think I am going to check out the local TOPS club next week. I had a lot of success with TOPS. Maybe I can do that again. And the gym. No matter what, there will be lots of quality time at the gym in the new year.
As a matter of fact, I think I'll call them to inquire about tomorrow. I'm done stressing about the house, so I guess I'll work on the next thing, which is me.
Not that I'm a fan of resolutions (although we currently have: make more of an effort on personal appearance, floss and lose weight listed), but I am going to work on my novel in 2012. Not necessarily because it's a new year, but because there is apparently a market for it, and I'm going to try it out.
Not much going on around here. I think I am going to make dinner tonight and then veg on the TV with a movie. I got that new Justin Timberlake one for Christmas, and that doesn't sound like a bad time.
I'm boring right now.
There's not much to say these days. My life is completely and totally consumed with the drama that is involved with purchasing a home and probably pissing off a friend.
I have a home inspection Wednesday. Home inspections are expensive, especially when your realtor tells you that you have to pay to have the utilities turned on for one day. Have you ever done that? Hella expensive.
I passed my home-buyer education course; my loan is pretty much wrapped up. I am completely and totally broke and can't use my credit cards at Christmas, but other than that, life's OK.
Everything is fine in the grand scheme of things. I'm not going to end up homeless. I got a really great deal on a house that has some plusses from mine and some minuses. It will be home soon enough (pending inspection). The eye twitch is a little less active, although now I've started having very odd dreams...
While this has been stressful and probably will be for the next month or so, I think at the end of the day we will look back and see this has all been a blessing...
I'm leaving Friday morning to spend a few days with my family. Maybe I'll have something new to talk about when I get back. Sorry to be so boring lately.
Burnin' down the house
OK, not really. We're just moving.
So, more on the saga of the house. I have worked my ass off over the last two years to get myself in the financial position to buy the house I've been renting on a lease-purchase agreement. And, it worked. I got myself approved for the mortgage, and everything was going well.
Until the appraisal came back.
Thirty thousand dollars too low.
Yes, that says $30,000.
Which would be the exact amount that the person I was buying the house from needed to recoup what she'd put into it.
I think you see where this is going.
She won't sell and lose her ass. Her suggestion was for us to continue our arrangement until the market picks back up.
But, I don't see why I need to lose my ass, which is what would happen if I continued renting to have the privilege of paying an extra $30,000 for the same house that's down the street.
So, I'm not going to. I've hired a Realtor and I'm trying to buy that house down the street. I should know next week. I really love my neighborhood, so I'm hoping it works out.
If not, there are other options. In some ways, some options are better (Hello, finished basement!) and/or "naked hot tub deck." In other ways, they are not as good. For example, the den/kitchen combo that was the only thing I ever wanted in my house so that the kitchen could be the central gathering place where people gathered, cooked and socialized? None of the other houses had that. So, I will still have to make a mock fireplace. I might get a window I can put next year's Christmas tree in front of.
I'm also going to lose the upstairs loft, which we just used to store crap before it got to the attic. The bedrooms are bigger, which makes that easier to swallow. And, I get to pick out a bright, new fridge and stove. Hello, double oven.
I will keep you all posted. Say a little prayer. I'm hoping this works out, because we're going on Week Three of the nervous eye twitch, and it's starting to get annoying.
Not as annoying as re-boxing all my stuff and renting a Uhaul, but annoying nonetheless.
Wow
The proverbial shit has hit the fan in these parts.
There's disaster with the house, and I'll probably have to move. I'm really not happy about that. We'll see. I'm meeting with a realtor today to look at other houses in my neighborhood. I like my neighborhood.
Really, if I have to move, aside from a zillion man hours re-packing all the shit I just unpacked and moving it, what have I lost? Some money, which would be made up with a lower purchase price. A couple of gallons of paint that I will need to repaint the new house (and the old house). A few fixtures that I've replaced - new faucets, new lights...although I haven't ruled out swapping those yet. I am very partial to the track lights in my kitchen, and they don't seem to have them at the store anymore.
I'm very upset about the whole thing. It's nothing I did. I've worked my ass off to be a homeowner. It's more the fault of all those folks who got loans they couldn't pay. The foreclosure rates are so high that no one's property has value right now. That really, really sucks.
But, maybe it's time for stainless steel appliances and new kitchen counters? Glad I hadn't done that yet. Not looking forward to repainting the pink bathroom or Michelle's teal bedroom OR an entire new house, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
After all, I won't believe that any housing deal will go through in this market until I see it with my own eyes.
Wow, our country is jacked up. Kudos to the folks occupying Wall Street, not that I think Wall Street really cares who they're screwing over.
The mom-mobile (and other cars)
Today is the 100th anniversary of Chevrolet.
In case you're new to this blog, I will let you know right up front that I am highly biased when it comes to Chevy cars and trucks.
I am from Detroit. My father and his siblings worked for Generous Motors, as we always called it.
I have only driven two cars that were not Chevrolets. One was a 1986 Plymouth Horizon that my grandma lent to me when I got a job at the local newspaper, which was five miles from my campus apartment. The Ho-ho, as it was called, got me around town, was easy to park and went like a BEAST in the snow. It was a good little car.
After graduation, I drove a Pontiac Sunfire for nine months, until it met its untimely demise at the hand of a lady who was apparently absent on "red means stop" day of driver's ed. I bought the Sunfire because the dealer where I bought it neglected to tell me they had no Chevy Cavaliers with automatic transmissions. It was pretty much the same car, anyhow.
I learned how to drive a Cavalier, and I pretty much drove Cavaliers until I bought my HHR in 2009. I love my HHR. It looks super cool (although the white is kind of hearse-like), it has tons of room. I can haul stuff, I can go camping, and I still get 26 miles to the gallon.
Everyone in my family has a Chevrolet. We're not big fans of biting the hand that feeds you, and dad's employee discount makes it hard to say no to GM. Our trucks are Silverados and our cars are Cobalts. And then there's me with my crossover vehicle. (Actually, Grandma wanted an HHR but settled for a Cobalt, and my Aunt Lil bought an HHR after riding in mine.)
Yesterday, when I drove by my local Chevy dealer, I noticed there were not nearly as many HHRs on the lot as there usually are. When I sat down in front of a computer, I read that GM has phased out the HHR after 2011. Apparently because the PT Cruiser has been phased out, they feel like there is less market for my little retro station wagon/SUV.
That makes me sad. The HHR is a great car. I actually had someone ask me about one yesterday and I recommended it wholeheartedly. In fact, the only real issue I've had with mine is that my salesman told a little fibbaroo about it having XM radio.
It's tempting to replace mine before they're all gone, especially when I think about the great deals they are sure to offer on the remaining inventory. But, at the same time, I know that there will be another great GM car that will come along and it will be waiting for me when I am ready for a new one (which I hope will be a long, long time from now).
When I bought my car in 2009, I worried that GM might go bankrupt and I wouldn't have anything to drive. If there were no General Motors products, what would I drive? A Ford, I guess, since I am committed to buying vehicles from American companies made by union workers. And I do catch myself looking at the Ford Fusion once in a while...
GM is stronger today than it has been in years. Gov. Jennifer Granholm tweeted yesterday that Michigan is second in the nation in economic recovery, in large part due to the automotive sector. Buying American (not just cars) helps. Yes, you can get foreign cars for less money, but I've seen Kias and Hyundais that don't last nearly as long and are built to be disposable. As someone who has been driving GM products for 20 years now, I don't see the quality lag that people always blame for buying Hondas and Toyotas instead. My Cavalier, which I sold at 6 years old to a friend, only needed a replaced fuel pump before it met its untimely demise at the hands of a Mini Cooper. And, even then, it was sold to someone who planned to fix it. My dad's 1989 Silverado, that he sold seven years ago for 500 bucks, is still on the road today.
Happy Birthday, Chevy. Here's to 100 more.
Song of the day: "Like A Rock" by Bob Seger.
