Does anybody read these?

The two-week freak-out

(and the first-date, second-base rule, just for CoffeeBigPlz)

OK, it's just about two weeks away, and I'm freaking out.

You see, I like this boy. (I know. You all read everyday, you're thinking "Duh! The yellow-haired boy!") Anyhow, the yellow-haired boy has a pretty crazy job. Pretty much he is the right-hand man of a very popular entertainer. An entertainer that my friends and I all adore. In fact, that is where I met the yellow-haired boy; at a concert last year. And I'm pretty sure the yellow-haired boy knows I have a crush on him because the night that I met him pretty much entailed me drooling on myself, turning 800 shades of red, stammering and then being so incapicitated that my lovely friend Gretchen had to take his picture for me. It was sexy, I'll tell ya.

Anyhow, the yellow-haired boy and I stared and smiled at each other last summer, but we are both pretty painfully shy apparently because our few conversations have been labored. Not because there's nothing to talk about, but because he seems to be a nervous talker who talks out his ass and rambles on about nothing and I, while that would normally be my usual role of "crazy talker," freeze up completely. I really can't get past thinking, "OMG the yellow-haired boy is on my phone and he sounds deliciously sexy" or "Why did he wear his glasses? I can't even think when that boy has his glasses on."

But I don't think we're doomed. The yellow-haired boy perks up and smiles like a little kid at Christmas when folks mention my name. And if you talk to most people who run into the yellow-haired boy at work, smiling is not high on his list of duties. He's paid to be the bad ass and run interference with the crazy fans, and he does his job very well.

So, he seems to like me. I KNOW I like him. Everytime we've tried to make it happen, something's happened that's precluded any type of romantic interlude. Like Cincinnati when we were waiting for him after the show and I went to get a Diet Dr. Pepper and realized my wallet was not in my purse. And while having carte blanche of the arena during the wallet recovery process should've aided the whole situation, I was so worried about my wallet that I couldn't even think about the fact that I was standing right next to one of his co-workers who could've easily radio'd his ass to come out and meet me. Hell, he probably would've helped me find my wallet.

I'm a mess when it comes to boys. I once pissed my then-boyfriend off for months because he was being coy about sleeping with me, I missed it and he thought I wasn't interested. He had a sleeping bag in his hand. He asked me where he was supposed to sleep. Every other guy I've dated wasn't a gentleman and it kinda went more like this: "Hey baby, let's screw." Seriously, note to all men who'd like to date me: attach it to an anvil and drop it on my head.

Anyhow, after almost a year of all the stare-downs with absolutely nothing happening, I figure that I can't do this for another year because that's dumb. Now don't get me wrong, whether he likes me or not, he's still nice to look at, his boss is still nice to look at and he's got this one co-worker...OK, I should shush about that. It's honestly not a big deal either way. But there were fireworks when we met. We both light up at the mention of the other's name. So why not just throw caution to the wind and see if there's a little bit of a love connection, right?

So, I'm going to be seeing him in 2 weeks and some change. Before the schedule came out, I told all my friends "If the first concert of the year is within driving distance, I am going there and I am making my move." Unfortunately, they've held me to that, and they're all coming along. Frankly, I could use the moral support.

So, it's a little more than 2 weeks. I've been off my diet (like seriously at this point, I'd need 2 years for folks not to notice I'm fat) because I've been sick. I haven't been tanning. I am seriously thinking I need to track down some Crest White Strips. But I do have good hair, and I can see again because my contacts are fixed.

Basically, it's almost two weeks and I'm freaking out. What do I say? What if he's somehow NOT interested? What if he tells the fiddle player and he points his bow at me and laughs like a hyena? What if he blows cigarette smoke in my face and has me escorted off the premises? Oh. My. Goodness. What am I thinking?

But my friends, especially those who have seen him look at me or interact with me or those who have talked to him, ALL assure me that he is just as nervous and interested as I am. Of course, that opens a whole new can of worms. What if he does agree to go out with me during a break in the action? What if we're alone? This is a guy I have a HUGE crush on. His boss had a HUGE crush and got married! How far is too far?

So, in my brain I have this thing called the "first-date/second-base rule." Basically this means that if the opportunity arises, I will go no further than second base. Apparently grown-ups (I haven't dated in a while, remember?) don't actually have bases, so I asked a much younger friend and she assures me that second base is the same and it's perfectly acceptable for a first date. So, that's what we're aiming for. I surely don't want to get caught up in the moment and make myself look trampy.

Of course, I have this odd suspicion that since I can't talk when I'm around him that all of this will just live in my brain. What that means in the long run remains to be seen. I guess we'll know in two weeks or so. Two weeks. Breathe. Relax. It's OK. Honest.

posted by Laura at 5:26 PM