Does anybody read these?

I feel bad that I haven't posted here. But sometimes saying things out loud make them seem more real, and honestly reality hasn't been great. Not that I'm living in a fantasy world. Most days just living at all is the most I can manage. I'm not going to rehash all the torrid details, I'm just going to sum up why I've been so quiet lately. To be honest, the biggest reason is because no one likes a whiner, and that's what I've felt like. I think (hope?) I've finally turned a corner, so maybe we can get back to business around here.

Let's start with losing my job. It was unexpected. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Then my paramour went back to California. I miss him dreadfully. He sent me a two-sentence text message a few months ago. 

My grandma died at the beginning of February. It was very unexpected, and my family is managing the best we can. Some days are OK, many are not, and none are particularly good.

So, here I am, one month away from turning 40. I have no job. I have no grandma. And what fond memories I have a great guy are fading and being replaced by the shitty feelings you get when you reply to someone's text and realize they are done talking. 

I think I mentioned that I worked on a project that talked about the effects of technology on people's lives. And in the course of that project, the psychiatrist they interviewed said that people go online because seeing pictures of smiling people and puppies and cute babies cheer them up. The opposite is true; sob stories on the internet bring people down. So, I've been trying not to be that person. But it's hard when your life seems to be rapidly circling the drain some days.

I know things will get better because eventually they have to. It's just hard getting there. I've had a lot of good interviews, but nothing has percolated yet. I know that means it's not the right fit, but I'm not sure that the bank that holds the note on my home is going to take "I haven't found the right fit," instead of cold, hard cash.

I figured you all deserved an update. I wish I had a better report. However, I promise to be less scarce. In fact, tomorrow I'm going to start the first of three reports on Blue Apron.