Updates of sortsI feel like I should write something, but I'm a little more guarded than usual lately. I'm still job searching, and sometimes that means a little self-censoring is required. You don't want to offend anyone or say something that makes them believe you can't do whatever it is you would like them to hire you to do. I hate that it's like that, but I get it. It's hard to be tight-lipped when you've literally spent 30-some years of your life writing whenever the spirit hits you. I don't just write as a job; writing to me is a way to stay sane, to convey my thoughts. As I go from conference room to conference room attempting to make a good impression on a person who literally can change my entire future, I've realized two things: 1) I'm a much better written communicator than a talker, and 2) I think I became a journalist because I'm a better interviewer than interviewee.
So, I keep trucking along and hoping that the right position comes along. In the meantime, I've been cooking up a storm (remind me to tell you about my new Instant Pot). I'm going to Florida next week (and taking the Amtrak -- I'm so excited). I'm getting ready to take my advanced certification exam for Adobe InDesign. I studied and took practice tests all day today. I'm fighting with my TV with all the political excitement.
But I miss having colleagues. I had to put a whole bunch of muffins in the freezer because I couldn't eat them all myself. There's a little herd stress on the homefront with everyone home at the same time so much.
It's hard not to get down about yourself. Remember how I quit with the online dating because it's so easy to get down on yourself when people you barely know treat you badly and rush to judgment about you? Well, trying to find a job is a lot like that. Except when a date goes horribly wrong, you may just end up paying for your own meal. Right now, meals are the least of my worries. I have a mortgage and a light bill and a car payment that have to be paid. It's frustrating.
I know I just haven't found the right fit yet. There really haven't been many jobs that I was absolutely devastated to not get. There have been a few times that I wished that I had gotten an interview for a job that sounded great but they didn't even consider me. There have been places that sounded fun to work or people I would've enjoyed being on a team with. But I get it, there's just someone out there they like better. But at some point, something's got to give. Because it's been a long time and I'm running out of money, and it gets scary. And it's hard to not take it personally. People usually like me. It's hard to be the person that people don't like when you're used to people liking you.
I'm not going to be negative though. I'm just not a negative person. I like to see the bright side in things. And someone, somewhere is going to see that I am a seriously talented hard worker who will probably make you zucchini chocolate chip muffins because it's summer, and that's when you make you tasty things with zucchini.
I figured I'd post an update. Really no news is no news these days. You'd think I have more time to post things, but I have a pantry (and just about every other nook and cranny in my house) to clean.