Does anybody read these?

Update on the baby...

It is still not looking good for the little baby. Toma had asked me if they had put both twins together because that is supposed to help. And they did do that. The little boy wasn't even at the same hospital because Raelyn had to be at Children's Hospital for her surgery and they can't deliver babies there (really, for cases like this you think they'd have a place where mommies could give birth), but they moved him over there. I guess he is still not out of the dark being only 3 pounds and some change. This is all very scary.

Even if Raelyn lives, which at this point will take a miracle, she most likely has brain damage from the other day. It is 1 a.m., and I should go to bed but at the same time, I was told to keep the phone where I could hear it in case we were called in the middle of the night. Part of me is scared to sleep.

It is so hard for me to understand why little babies could be so sick. Why God would give folks this wonderful miracle of life, only to rip it away a few days later? Why people like Heidi and Rusty who are going to be the most awesome parents ever might lose their little baby, when I see on the news things like an Amber Alert being issued because some lady strung out on meth kidnapped her baby from its court-appointed guardian.

This is very hard for me. First of all, I love Heidi and Rusty and welcomed Heidi into the family right away. We are very fortunate to have her in our lives. It is killing me that their babies are so sick and they just have to stand there helpless. Because every parent in the world I know will do anything in his or her power to make sure their kids are protected. Well, except for Amber Alert Meth Lady, but I only know her from the news.

Secondly, all joking aside, I truly believe that I didn't become a nun because I am supposed to have a family of some sort. And I really worry that I won't be a good parent as it is. It's scary to think that something bad can happen to your kids and there's nothing you can do about it. Really, I'm just not sure if I'll ever be properly equipped for parenting. Although it's sooooo not an issue right now and probably won't be anytime soon, that does really worry me.

Keep the prayers coming. And thank you so much. God bless!

posted by Laura at 11:59 PM