Does anybody read these?

Don't laugh at me

I just read this article on Yahoo, and I think this invention is absolutely brilliant. Read the article and I will explain at the end.

Cordless jump-rope can help the clumsy

By SETH BORENSTEIN, AP Science WriterTue May 30, 7:50 AM ET

If you think keeping fit is merely mind over matter, Lester Clancy has an invention for you — a cordless jump-rope. That's right, a jump-rope minus the rope. All that's left is two handles, so you jump over the pretend rope. Or if you are truly lazy, you can pretend to jump over the pretend rope.

And for that idea kicking around Clancy's head since 1988, the U.S. Patent Office this month awarded the 52-year-old Mansfield, Ohio, man a patent. Its number: 7037243.

What makes this invention work is the moving weights inside the handles. They simulate the feel of a rope moving, Clancy said. Well, it's only one handle so far because Clancy is waiting for financial backers before building its partner.

But why jump rope without a rope?

It's perfect for the clumsy, Clancy said. "If you are still jumping, you're still using your legs as well as your arms, and getting the cardiovascular workout. You just don't have to worry about tripping on the rope."

It is also good for mental institutions and prisons where rope is a suicide risk, said Clancy, who works as a laundry coordinator in a state prison. And low ceiling fans aren't a hazard any more, he said.

Daniel Wright, who features the cordless jump-rope on his Web site http://www.patentlysilly.com, can barely talk about Clancy's invention without laughing.

"What really grabbed me," Wright said, was the name the item has in its patent, Wright said.

The idea isn't all that crazy, said Mike Ernst, a professor of kinesiology at California State University in Dominguez Hills.

"I think it's silly but at the same time if somehow, some way it promotes physical activity, gets kids active, then I'm all for it," Ernst said.

The more he thought about it, the more Ernst said he could see the benefit, adding that the act of jumping, not the rope itself, is what provides exercise.

"Do you need to jump with a rope? You don't," Ernst said. "But I wouldn't buy the product, I can tell you that. I'm not an idiot."

High-tech handles aren't needed. You could even use toilet paper holders, Ernst said. On second thought, he wondered if he could patent that idea.

I love this idea. You see, not many people know this about me, but I was born with a birth defect and I couldn't walk until I was three years old. I wore braces on my legs for years and wore orthopedic shoes until junior high. I still look strange when I walk, but that's OK.

Because I didn't walk very well when I was little, I didn't learn a lot of things that other kids learned. I sucked at hopscotch. I learned to skip my freshman year of college. And I never learned to jump rope. In fact, I flunked high school gym because I couldn't jump rope. I tried and tried but I couldn't do. I'm sure it was partly the psychological stigma of being 15 years old and having 30 of your total bitch classmates staring at you like you were an idiot because you couldn't do it and partly because my legs still couldn't do it just right.

When I was in kindergarten my mom knew exactly when the school would call her every week. It would be during gym class, and it would be because every time I ran I would fall flat on my face. I don't remember the kids in kindergarten being particularly mean, but I was young. But the older I got, the meaner the other kids got. I didn't ever want to do gym class, especially if it meant running in front of people. And oh my goodness, when they tried to teach us to play soccer? My legs just didn't work right and I've always been ashamed. I guess some things about that are good. I spent less time focusing on athletics and studied while other kids played outside. Of course, since I started doing that I've always been heavy. I graduated at the top of my class (well, 11th and only due to a technicality, but we don't like to talk about that. Failing 9th grade P.E. didn't help, I'm sure.) and I got a great college education. But now I need to lose about 60 pounds. You'll have that, I guess.

I was 23 years old before I had the courage to run in front of people. I ran into Sr. Kathy, my grade school P.E. teacher right before I did the Detroit Free Press half-marathon. She almost fell off her chair when I told her. My personal trainer told me I was a fit person under a layer of fat. It makes sense. I know I have an athletic build somewhere in there, I come from a family of athletes. I just happened to have legs that didn't work just right. I tried to do athletics. I was good at volleyball. But one day I missed a pretty easy volley and the coach made me run laps as punishment. (Or as they call it in Catholic school, "discipline.") I ran a few laps and finally ran past my gym bag and out the door. I didn't stop running until I reached a friend's house. I just had so many hang-ups about people laughing at how I ran. Whether they were real or perceived, I'm not sure as I look back on it. My best guess is a little of both. I can remember some people making comments about how I walked, but I'm not sure that EVERYONE busted out in peals of laughter every time I was in a relay.

I guess my point is that I think this invention is a splendid idea. People do not understand how I felt not being able to participate in the same activities as other kids my age. Not to mention that I still struggle with my weight 20-some years later because there weren't activities I could do.

I am pretty damn sure if there had been a jump rope that didn't really have a rope that I could've done it. Jumping rope is very good for you. Maybe I'd have been more fit. Maybe I'd have passed 9th grade gym.

And then maybe I wouldn't have been 11th in my class (because of a technicality).

posted by Laura at 2:07 PM