Does anybody read these?

Things that make you go hmmmm...

These are my favorite pictures from The Grammy Awards last week. I didn't watch the show, but one of my loyal readers was kind enough to e-mail me the link to these pics after I mentioned them.





Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman are the couple I hate to love. I am not really a fan of either of them, although I do sometimes listen to Keith's songs when they play them on the radio. A few of them are very good. And I've enjoyed a few of Nicole's movies, but I don't rush out to see the latest Nicole Kidman picture. I am sure they are delightful people. And they seem happy, so more power to them.

You see, I value truth very much, but I also believe deep down in the goodness of people. So, if someone is lying to me, I am probably not going to say a word because most of the time I figure they must have a damn good reason for doing so. No one is going to completely and totally hose their friends for no reason, right? I'm not very likely to directly call someone out even when I catch them in a lie. Sure there are lots of times in my life that I've really wanted to tell someone they were full of shit, but that's completely not my style. I'm much more likely to just file the information away and wait for confirmation that my feelings are valid. And that is why I love Keith and Nicole. The public outing of their relationship came at just the right time. It confirmed something I'd suspected for a while. My problem with Keith was never that I wasn't a fan. My problem with Keith was that he was make-believe. When I saw him with Nicole that first time -- when I had been told he was somewhere else, with someone else -- it confirmed my suspicions. It made me feel confused, hurt, angry, used, and most importantly I was saddened and embarrassed that I had trusted, loved and believed someone who could look me in the eyes and lie. Somedays I wonder if it was all some type of odd experiment, but then I realize that's just me giving folks the benefit of the doubt again.

Maybe someday I will know the whole truth, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I am almost over the pain, embarrassment and other bad feelings from the whole mess. I have accepted my responsibility with whatever happened and have made some changes in my life. However, every time I see Keith and Nicole together, I realize that I wasn't the bad person, despite what I was told. I felt very bad about walking away from friends, but I got to the point that I just didn't have the energy to sift through every conversation to determine what was fantasy and reality anymore. You shouldn't have to do that with your friends. But still, I keep hoping that someone will give me a reason to believe in them. I know they want to be my friend and that's OK, but I just wish I'd be proven wrong because I still want to believe that people are good to their friends.

As I re-read this, I realize that I'm still being vague and deep down I still give folks a little bit of the benefit of the doubt. Part of it is because my blog is not the place for that. It is however, a place where I write about what's going on in my life. And unfortunately, all this BS played a big part in my life last year. I got caught up in a lot of drama that more than likely never even happened. And I just can't imagine feeling the urge to create drama for shits and giggles. That's ridiculous. I'm in a different place now, and I've grown up a lot in the last 6 months or so. I realize that everything happens for a reason, and I believe I know why all this happened. And I still pray everyday. I don't know what's in their hearts or what's going on in their lives, and that's fine. I just hope they find whatever it is they are looking for, because it sure isn't what they say they already have...

posted by Laura at 10:54 PM