Does anybody read these?

Cheap Sunglasses

I bought my favorite sunglasses for $5 at Wal-mart last spring. They aren't anything special, but I think I look nice in them. They're also dark enough that my eyes don't hurt, which is a big thing for me. I don't know if it's because my eyes are blue or because my retinas will probably some day be completely useless, but my eyes need dark sunglasses. If I go out without my sunglasses, the chances of me ending up with a migraine are very, very good. And driving without them is pure disaster.

So, leaving them behind somewhere is almost unheard of.

I don't remember what happened exactly on the day in question. I do remember it was a Sunday at the Land of Misfit Toys. It was still summer. And something pissed me off. I couldn't tell you what it was right now, but I was mad enough to not come back at lunch time.

I called Kay and bitched. I hemmed and hawed and stewed over whatever greivance I'd had. For the first time (but not the last, of course!), I was pissed enough to quit. And, in fact, if it weren't for the fact that my favorite sunglasses had been left on my desk, I probably would not have returned that day.

At the time I was not thinking that I could've replaced them for $5 at Wal-mart. At that point in my life, most likely I didn't have the $5 to replace them. So, instead, I returned from my lunch and went home at the end of the day with my sunglasses on my face.

Those sunglasses came to represent a lot more than the $5 pair of Wal-mart sunglasses that they were. They represented a turning point in my life. They represented the frustrations of my job at the Land of Misfit Toys. They represented what I've overcome to finally be successful in Nashville. And most recently, they represented a little bit of destiny.

Recently Kay told me about this singer David Nail, and introduced me to his song "Some things you just know." Basically this song is about crossing that imaginary line that's drawn with your friends. You know, when you accidentally fall in love with them? And sometimes you just know, and you go with it. And it changes everything, but it all works out because it's supposed to.

Not that I could relate to that at all. And actually, looking at the last week or so of my life, I'm guessing that my life is actually the opposite of this song. I'm not so good at reading all the signals; that must be why I sucked ass at softball.

Anyhow, there's a line in this song about "You're quick not to take any credit; fate brought us here."

And do you know what I thought of the first time I heard this song?

Those cheap Wal-mart sunglasses.

Because if I'd left them, if I'd left the Land of Misfit Toys that day, October never would've come. And I never would've met the little tornado that turned my life upside down for two months. I told him the story of my favorite sunglasses every time I got frustrated about working there.

It wasn't until he left that I realized how much I owed to those sunglasses. Because the time that he's been in my life has been great. I can't say I wouldn't change a thing, because there are lots of things I'd change. For example, he wouldn't have been my boss if I'd called the shots. Or I would've just quit when I realized that it was an issue. Of course, it wasn't really an issue, because I'm pretty sure I was just one of the boys, like I always am. Or maybe I should've just made it worth getting fired over. Because trust me, nothing really happened that was worth getting in trouble.

The sunglasses broke. The little tornado seems to have lost steam. Or at least all's quiet on the Western front lately. I can't figure out if I'm supposed to say something or just leave it be. The poster child for bad self-esteem in me suspects that he's shutting me out so that I'll just go without a fight. That's not what I want to do, but sometimes silence says a lot. I'd like to believe he's just busy, but no one I cared about has had surgery and I've been too busy to at least text and make sure they were alive. The girl in me who reads way too much into everything wants very much to believe that maybe he's confused too and that's why I've been shut out.

Ironically, while I'm typing this, the song "Boston" is playing on my iPod. Some of you will know why that makes the tears fall. Do I just walk away, assuming the worst? Or do I fight for the first thing I've really wanted in a long time, knowing that the chance of completely and totally humiliating myself is very real?

Maybe the sunglasses breaking was a harbinger of things to come.

Or maybe all they ever were was a cheap pair of sunglasses, and nothing more.

posted by Laura at 9:55 AM