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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Random Thoughts...

The black bra I have on -- under my white shirt, no less -- makes my boobs look like they are fake. I love the engineers at Bali. They are probably all men.

My bridesmaid's dress is beautiful, and it fits perfectly, despite the rude bitch heifer sales person -- not the person waiting on me, just one in the dressing room -- suggesting that perhaps it was not zipping, not because the zipper was stuck, but because it did not fit. However, nothing about arm flab is sexy. And I'm sure that everyone in the church will see plenty of it because I'll be standing in the front -- in front of, well, everybody. A tan would probably help, and then I remembered that my new meds have put the kibosh on the tanning days. Urggh.

It's 70+ degrees here today, and it's beautiful. It'd be a great day to play hooky from the Land of Misfit Toys. But I look silly wearing my black tights even though I think a black skirt with black tights and black shoes looks great with a brightly-colored top.

No matter how many times I listen to Keith Whitley on iTunes, I will ALWAYS get excited when I turn on the radio and "Don't Close Your Eyes" is on.

I had a nightmare about the jackass last night. In my dream, I went to work and he locked me in this room and I had to do crafts with him. When I found my boss Jerry to ask him to help me, he was wearing a bathrobe and sitting outside his office on the floor. Very odd.

My medicine seems to be making me tired. Consensus among those who know me is that it is just slowing me down. I'm ready for bed by 9 p.m. every night, and I still can't get up before 7. This is just not going to work for me. Perhaps there's some sort of solution.

I feel like I'm at a personal crossroads in my life. Professionally, I am at the top of my game (except that I'm still getting caught up financially and need a part-time job), but personally I've hit a stalemate. And it's not just with romantic relationships -- I'd given up on those years ago and I just get occasional glimmers of hope. It's all my relationships. I just feel like I'm floating out in limbo. I'm terrified that one day I'll wake up and realize that I am completely and totally alone. Maybe this is part of realizing that life is finite, maybe it's just growing up. Maybe it's total irrational fear. No one really knows, do they?

Song of the day: "In This Boat Alone" by Kenny Chesney.

2 comment(s):

Have you ever thought about using self-tanners instead of the tanning bed? It's next to impossible for me to tan -- I'm either whiter than Casper or red as a lobster, there's nothing in between. I've tried dozens of self-tanners with not-so-good results but I swear by GlowFusion ( ) by Fusion Beauty. The ads say it's clear, non-streaking, non-staining, etc. and it's not just hype. It really does work great. Not sure if self-tanners are something you'd want to use but I thought I'd let you know about it.

By Blogger Andrea, at 3/09/2007 5:01 PM  

I love that song. I really think things will get better. A year ago you did not ever think you would make it to Nashville and then you did not think you would find a job and both of those things happened. Everything comes with time. Until then you know you have lots of frieds that love you and would not be the same without you.

By Blogger rosalie, at 3/10/2007 8:34 AM  

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