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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Not talking

No one really wants to hear how much my life sucks. And honestly, I'm sick of talking to people about my business.

I think it was being told that "living happily ever after can't be a priority for everyone" that really set me off. It should be, and I shouldn't be faulted because for the first time in my life I want to be happy instead of lonely and miserable. Seriously, that's a good thing.

Whatever that means.

I am not going to worry. I am not going to live in fear. I'm just not talking about it anymore.

I sent Chris a message today and basically the gist of it was that I love him, and I'm not doing either of us favors with all the worrying and fear. I am giving him space, but I am not giving up on us. I want to believe everyone when they tell me it will be OK. I do not want to be my own worst critic. I can't worry about what he's doing. I can't worry about what's going to happen. I just want to treasure what time I have left with him in case it goes away.

After all, there are never any guarantees in life anyhow.

So, I'm not talking. I'm not really talking to him, and I'm going to try not to talk here. I'm sick of whining about my life. I have put Facebook in time out and might have to do the same here. We'll see.

Life's a mess, and for once I don't feel like bitching about it. Chris always says he knows I'm upset about something when I stop talking. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

I will really miss that if it goes away.

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