Does anybody read these?

Soul mates?

I just read a very interesting article about soul mates.

I do believe in soul mates. I believe that my best friend, Michael, and I are soul mates, even though we aren't a couple and won't live happily ever after. We finish each other's sentences, we know when the other is hurting; he just happens to prefer to date men. If he didn't, we probably would have ended up together and been quite happy. As it is, we are still wonderful friends and he's still trying to convince me that I want to come live in Hotlanta. Now that my family is leaving Miami, it will move up one space on the list, but I don't think I'd be looking for me in the 404 area code anytime soon.

So, there are different kinds of soul mates. There's the best friend kind, which I definitely have. And then there's the happily-ever-after kind, which I somedays wonder if I've given up on.

In fact, with the exception of Michael, I have not ever believed, not even for a minute, that I had found my soul mate. Even when a relationship was significant, I have never thought "This person is my soul mate." It's not that I don't believe in soul mates or that I haven't connected with anyone, I just haven't ever felt like anyone I've dated was sent to me by God to live happily ever after. And, that's what I think a soul mate is.

I used to have a friend and every single guy she dated was her "soul mate." She'd get so worked up over them, plan out her entire life, thank the heavens, and then she'd find out the guy was already married, screwing around on her or just not that into her. Then she'd be devastated because she had lost The One and go into a period of intense mourning until some other guy batted his baby blues at her. Then, it would start all over again.

Having gone through a pretty rough patch when a pretty serious relationship broke up last year, I can't imagine doing that with every single guy I dated. Dang, I already can't afford my therapy bills.

Do I believe God has a plan for each and every one of us? Yes.

Do I believe that he already knows whether or not we are going to have a lifemate and, if so, who that person is? Yes.

Do I believe that is one person? Yep.

Do I believe that we can miss that person and end up miserable for our entire life? Nope.

You see, God won't send that one person He's picked for you until you are both ready. So, if you meet a guy with baggage who's not ready, chances are pretty good he's not your soul mate. If you meet someone and you're not ready, chances are he's not your soul mate. Now, that doesn't mean you might not get involved with someone else only to have your chosen one return to your life later when you're both ready. God knows exactly when all this is going to happen. And, if I've learned nothing else in 35 years, it's that it's just best to let God call the shots and trust in His plan. It's not always easy, but it is always worth it.

So, yes, it's devastating when you are with someone and it doesn't work out. But you can't worry that it will never happen again for you or that you let The One slip out of your hands. I know it's easier said than done.

In the Meantime (which is the title of an amazing book on this very same subject), being single isn't all that bad. Having a lot of meaningful relationships with friends and family is a very good thing. Going on dates with guys who probably aren't The One can be fun, as long as you keep your heart open and don't get too caught up on what will or won't be. I keep busy. I work, I have a book club, I hang out with my friends. I'm not sitting around pining for some mythical man of my dreams. I also don't proclaim every man I meet in line at the grocery store The One so that I don't have to worry about missing out or being alone. I'm just working on being the best me I can be.

If someone else is supposed to be part of that, I'll know when the time comes. I do find that it generally happens when you least expect it.

And, if I end up by myself, I won't get bummed out. After all, my soul mate could end up living down the hall from me at the nursing home when I'm 90. You never know. But by working on yourself, you clear out all of the spiritual, emotional and mental clutter that is keeping your soul mate from finding you... because if you're not ready, he's not going to show up.

posted by Laura at 11:02 AM