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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Let's Google

One of my friends tweeted a link to this blog with the lead-in "If Nashville had a Carrie Bradshaw, this would be her." That, my friends, is one of the top compliments that I could receive. It also makes me feel better about another post on the fiasco that is my dating life. Expect more. Perhaps I really am becoming Nashville's Carrie Bradshaw.  God knows I drink enough cosmos.

My former suitor called me last week. He was calling to see if I was mad. I told him I didn't feel like I had a right to be mad, but I was sad because I missed having him around and I was upset that, yet again, I wasn't good enough.

He assured me that I was good enough. He also told me all about everything going on with the reunion with his ex. Told me how he was in a bad place and took it out on her and that's why she acted like a colossal bitch. All his fault, of course. And he's doing it because of his daughter. Of course.

Have we heard this story before?

Of course, the reason he had to call me to check on if I was mad or not was because he never got the text messages I sent him in reply to his text messages about the whole situation. Which means that someone who was not him went on his phone, read them, and deleted them. And before you say I'm just bitter about getting dumped and blaming some stranger woman with only getting half of the story, he actually told me that while they were separated but before he changed to his own cell phone plan, she googled my number on their phone bill. And, I'm guessing between these two things she's figured out exactly who I am and I'm probably not going to be hearing from him again, which is fine. I did enjoy being his friend more than anything and I did offer to do that platonically, but I'm guessing she's not going to let that happen. And, really I can't blame her. I might do similar if I couldn't trust my husband.

Actually, if I couldn't trust my husband, I'd put his shit on the lawn and change the locks. If you don't have trust, a relationship won't ever work. Ever. That's what every relationship -- romantic and platonic -- is based on. Or at least it is in my world. How many times have I told you about friends I cut off because I didn't know what was truth or lies? You just don't lie if you love someone.

I didn't tell him that I had texted him and the messages were intercepted. I figured she'd confront him on it soon enough. She was probably saving it until he left the toilet seat up or something. What I did tell him is that if he truly feels that he's happy that they both should work on it and see what happens. I also told him in a few weeks when she pisses him off and he wants to cheat with me, that he should not call.

But the moral of this story is that if you don't have trust, you really shouldn't have a relationship. And the title of this little piece comes from some practical advice for all of my single readers. When you start dating someone, you Google before you canoodle, OK? Because if I had googled this chap's email address, I never would have gotten involved. First of all, while I didn't date him until he was officially separated, he was attempting to cheat for YEARS before he left his wife. He told me it had never gone anywhere with anyone else, but he also told me that he didn't start looking until his marriage couldn't be repaired.

When I did finally google him and find all these dating profiles (and I use the term "dating" loosely, most of them were 'let's hook up for a little discreet side action' kind of places), it really took all I had to not send his wife a heads-up email. After all, she does have a web page set up for her fancy, schmancy vow renewal ceremony.

But, mostly I just wanted to alert her because I was pissed at him for misrepresenting himself and I wanted to get even. That's not cool;  I need to take the high road. It is not my place to say anything, not that she'd believe me anyhow. Surely she knows enough to be cautious. And, clearly she knows how to Google. Maybe she's still Googling me. In which case I'd like to tell her to run, not walk, to the nearest emergency exit.

After all, he did say under different circumstances she and I would probably have been great pals because we're so alike.

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