Does anybody read these?

A little part of me is dreading tomorrow

So, my cousin's wedding is tomorrow. After spending the entire day in the car going to Detroit to pick up Gary, who lives there, and Lance, who flew in from Miami, we arrived at Church for the rehearsal. I don't think the choir sounds that bad. We recruited the church secretary to help us sing, because while Lance and Joanna have beautiful voices and my aunt and I hold our own, none of us our loud singers. And unlike my choir at St. William's, we don't have fancy schmancy sound equipment, like microphones. We're relying entirely on strong diaphragms and good acoustics.

I am not sure how tomorrow will go. I have a bit of a sordid past with my cousin's best friend. It's been years since everything and we're both at very different places in our lives. We've really grown up since high school (or I guess I should say I've grown up and he's gotten older), and now we end up seeing each other about once a year. And actually the last few times I've seen him, it was a total non-event and I wasn't impressed with him at all. But I'll tell you tonight at the rehearsal dinner I think he looked the best that I've ever seen him. In the whole 25 years or so that I've known him. Damn. And I didn't see his whatever-you-want-to-call-her at the dinner. Maybe she was back at the hotel? Maybe she just didn't come? Maybe they're off again? Not like it matters. He looks the best that he ever has, and I can safely say that I don't. And I'm pretty sure that I don't ever want to go there again, ever. I guess I just wish I looked better. That I'd lost that 40 pounds I'd planned to lose this year. That I hadn't had a bad hair day today. I guess it's not so much that I want him to want me; I just wish I could say "Look at what you are missing." Instead I feel like he's doing that to me. Not that he really is, I'll just let him get to me, just like I always do. My life is great, and he's the last thing I'd need, even on a very temporary basis. But when he flashes that million dollar grin that makes those baby blues dance ... well, it's easy to see why he's always had every girl he's met eating out of his hand.

posted by Laura at 10:22 PM