Does anybody read these?

Confession time...

I have a confession to make. (Admit it, you kind of think this is fun.)

I don't like to go to Confession.

I wonder if Fr. Jeff will read this one, because I could use some priestly expertise on this.

Since high school, where penance services were mandatory, I can count my visits to the Confessional on one hand. Actually, quite possibly one finger. I did allow Fr. Dan to hear my confession at one of our youth retreats at Subiaco a few years ago.

I think a big part of it is that no one really explained it to me when I made my first Reconciliation. Do you know that NO ONE ever taught me the Act of Contrition? I just learned it tonight at RCIA. Seriously. And I was thisclose to giving this confession thing a second chance until Father mentioned that before he absolves people he has them recite the Act of Contrition. Oh well, so much for that. Because there's no way I'm admitting that I'm almost 30 years old and never learned the Act of Contrition. Well, surely, I have time to memorize it. But, you see, I've never been sold on this whole Confession thing.

I just don't get it. Maybe it's because I was forced to do it in school. I guess I see their point on that, since it's apparently a very important sacrament. I'm thinking if I'm going to be a confirmation sponsor for a new Catholic that I should probably go. I do see the value in it. Honest I do. I just haven't ever been comfortable with going. It scares me. And the longer I go without going, the worse I feel about it. And it just gets bigger and bigger. I know some people dog me and tell me that I'm a bad Catholic because I believe in reproductive rights. But seriously, the fact that I don't go to Confession makes me feel like the worst Catholic ever.

Yet, I can't bring myself to go. I know I should go. But something about it really doesn't sit well with me. My guess is somewhere along the way I had a bad experience (aside from being forced to go when I was young). Not that I'm saying anything bad happened to me. Not at all.

I understand the rationale behind it. Maybe my only throw-back to the Protestants is that I think I can talk to God directly and He knows what's in my heart. But Reconciliation is good for us. I see the pros and cons.

But honestly, as much as I know I need to go, as much as I know this makes me a slightly shitty Catholic and I'm probably somewhat separated from God, I still don't particularly want to go. Not because I have something to hide. Not because I think I'm perfect. Not because I'd like to sin without consequence. Mostly because I don't even know where to start.

Well, I guess I do. But it gets a little fuzzy after "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned..."

posted by Laura at 8:40 PM