Does anybody read these?

Hrrrmmmppph.

Sometimes people really get on my nerves. We're going to blame the radio station in Lexington this time. I'm not saying their tacky, tasteless, rude shirts Saturday night were the only reason someone was a grumpy gus (I'm being very polite there.), but they surely didn't help. So, we'll blame them for things not working out the way I'd planned. I'm sure that the folks at Camp Kenny aren't particularly happy with them either.

I want to say that I had a great weekend. My friends are all fantastic, and I even made a few new friends. I had a great time. I had a lot of fun, and the shows were great. I fell in love with Dierks Bentley after this weekend. I might even join his fan club, and not just for the sandbar (or sandbox, as Gretchen calls it) passes. He's very talented and definitely not hard on the eyes. I was exhausted and slightly pickled, and I'm not sure I could ever do three shows in a row again. It might've helped if the weather had cooperated.

I had a lot of fun and I was sad to see the weekend end. The trip home yesterday was so long because there wasn't anything left to be excited about. I'm supposed to be done with Camp Kenny for 103 days, but I don't know if that's going to happen. We will see. You never know where I'll turn up.

I guess I wished that something would've happened with the boy, but I'm not devastated. It's not like my life's on hold because it didn't. It's not going to work if it's pushed anyhow. If it's supposed to happen, it will. Not that I'm saying that I'm just going to hang out and wait and not do anything and expect him to magically know I'm interested; I just feel like a stalker when I'm a little more assertive. God, I wish he worked at Walmart or something. It just sucks that his job makes him high-profile. It sucks that there are girls out there who prostitute themselves to get in with those guys and ruin it for everyone else. It sucks that I know I am a great person and I worry that I can't have this great guy that I really hit it off with because I don't look (and dress and act) like a porn star. So, I guess part of me wonders if this whole thing isn't the absolute dumbest idea I've ever had. I guess that I saw a side of people that I hadn't seen before, and I didn't like it. I'm not a Super Fan by any means. Hell, I'm not even sure I like Kenny. I go early to sit in the parking lot and drink with my friends. I don't stare at buses, pump people for info or rub my boobs on someone to get favors, information or access. I guess I just never realized exactly how much the people who do that suck. And I don't blame the guys for being leery of everyone they encounter. Just seeing how people reacted when they realized that we knew who folks were made me a little sick to my stomach. I'm not doing this because I want to know anyone. These feelings I have are bigger than anything I've ever felt. I can't turn them off, so I have to try. I just wish I didn't feel completely foolish.

Julie ran into him on Friday, and they had a nice chit-chat. Friday we were cramped for time because we had to get Toma to a visit with her granny, which was much more important than me looking for a boy. So, I figured that I'd make it happen on Saturday.

And then there was massive grumpiness. The man I saw that night wasn't the guy I like. He was stressed out and pissed off. I didn't see exactly what happened, but a friend who had close-up seats told me that he got in a fight with a guy from a radio station and had to be physically restrained. He pouted most of the night. He wasn't the smiling, happy, funny guy that I like. I said the other day that it was sexy when he told the fans who was boss, but he went from sexy to scary. I've never seen him that pissed off, and I've seen him pissed off before. Needless to say, the last thing I wanted to do was meet up with him for a friendly chit-chat. I'll catch him later. I may just pass him a note in study hall and see what happens.

Yeah, I don't have answers either way, but I'm not any worse off than I was a week ago. The real purpose of the weekend was to see my friends and have fun and hear some great music. So, mission accomplished. Yeah, the other stuff would've been nice. Especially closure, if that's what needs to happen. But it's not like I'm sitting around and waiting and thinking that's the only option in my life like some people do. It'd be nice if it happens, but I've got lots of great stuff going on in my life, with or without him. And it's not like I would turn down someone else if the opportunity arises. I could have that opportunity now if it weren't for the fact that I don't see the point in pursuing a relationship here when I'm moving in a month. And frankly, I don't believe you accomplish much by trying to track love down for yourself. Love just happens. When you least expect it. That's why about half-way through the weekend I stopped worrying about it. If it's supposed to happen, it will. If God wants two people to be together, nothing they do to screw it up will really screw it up. Or at least that's what I'm counting on.

I know you've all been waiting with baited breath, so I wish I had better news to report. I'm not devastated, so I hope you all manage OK.

And now we're back to reality. More posts about burning my ass in the tanning bed, doing laundry and looking for a job. I bet you can't wait!!!!!

posted by Laura at 8:05 PM