Does anybody read these?

Somedays I hate having an audience...

I really would like to go off about something. Have a little speculating to do. Unfortunately, I don't really want to say anything because I know the person is probably reading this. I know, that's a bit of a change for me. It's never stopped me before. But maybe I'm still reeling from a friend being very upset about something I posted here. I don't know. I'm not liking my urge to censor myself either. Trust me, it's something I am trying to sort through. Because I love hammering out my thoughts -- good, bad and ugly -- here. I pride myself on being true to myself through the written word. And when I'm biting my tongue, tempering my thoughts out of fear that I might upset people, then I'm not being true to myself. I guess I'm just still taken aback by having a friend be so upset over something I said here and not understanding where I was coming from.

So, I'm walking on egg shells, and I don't like it. I'm sorting everything out, and I'll be posting, but the post that was supposed to be here right now is going to have to wait. Right now I want to rant, but I don't particularly want an audience. However, I expect that to change in the next couple of weeks. (And yes, I know that my favorite lurkers are going to hang around to see what I have to say, despite the fact that they swear they are moving on. I'm just not sure how they do that while hanging on my every word, but whatever.)

Meanwhile, some folks need to pay a little less attention to my business and work on their own. The threads are beyond torn and tattered now. And I don't care what's said about me, because I know that folks have a little issue with the truth. I just don't appreciate my real friends, you know the ones that were here when I was being treated like shit and raked over the coals, being harrassed because they care about me. I'm the type who will let folks kick me when I'm down; I always have been. But one way to bring out the worst in me is to mess with folks I love. Of course, I think those of us who are capable of loving others and social interaction all generally tend to feel that way.

Well, that's it for now. I'm still sick. I'm a tad bit grumpy. And I don't like it when people mess with my friends. It pisses me off. Now I just need to figure out what to do about it.

posted by Laura at 11:40 AM