Does anybody read these?

OK, so maybe I do want to write...

I can't sleep. I watched my movies and came in my room at about midnight to go to bed. I was pretty tired then, but now I'm wide awake.

I'm not rehashing all the details, but I had a conversation that stressed me out a little. Actually the conversation itself was pretty much a non-event, except that it wasted 45 minutes of my life I can never get back. It was pretty much one of those chit-chats where the person knew what they wanted me to say before they ever even said hello. Since I had no inclination to say what they wanted to hear, and they did not want to hear what I had to say, then the conversation was pretty pointless. And besides, sometimes things aren't anyone else's business anyhow.

But that's enough of that. It isn't even worth getting my carpal tunnel all flared up over.

I didn't have a hideous week last week. I got a fake job with several prospects for a real job. I watched two really good movies and had an ice cream sundae today.

I just feel like I am at this huge crossroads in my life. About everything. I'm not sure I like it. I'm not sure which paths I'm supposed to pick. There's so much running through my head, and I just didn't need one more disturbance. Does that make sense?

I love writing, and this blog has honestly been a Godsend to me. I think it's spared me more than one ulcer to have a creative outlet. But honestly, it has its downside too. I've struggled with what to do about that, and I've yet to find a solution.

There are just big gaps in the story because there are some things for which I don't want an audience. And frankly there are a few folks in my audience that I secretly hope would get electrocuted by their computers when they come here to visit. (If you have to ask me, then no, it's not you!) I've never been anonymous here. I've never felt like I had to be. Ironically I just can't create a fake identity for myself of any type -- no matter how hard I try. I am what I am, and folks should take that at face-value.

Anyhow, I guess what I'm going around and around to get back to is that I'm at this crossroads, and I'm not sure what that means. I suspect that it could mean spending less time on the Internet, which means that I might not be so talkative here for a while. Or maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and decide I need to blog nonstop to be productive and get my mind off all the shit that currently resides there.

Sometimes I wish that I were a liar; that I did have a problem with reality and live in a land of make-believe. If I did, I'd just make believe that life were all hunky-dory and go on with some great kind of tale. I'm sure it'd be a lot more interesting than the shit that I subject y'all to. Really, though, I wouldn't even know where to start.

posted by Laura at 2:18 AM