Does anybody read these?

Anyone know how to shut it off?

So, I did it. I figured that I had absolutely nothing to lose, and I laid it all out on the line. I told him every single crazy thought that has run through my head. I figured that even if I didn't get the answer I wanted, I'd know where I stood. I'd have closure and not have to worry about the what-ifs.

I guess that's how it works in a perfect world.

And we all know there's nothing perfect about my life.

The answer was sweet. I know it was sincere. And it didn't really solve anything.

You see, he likes me. In a perfect world, I'm sure we'd live happily ever after.

(You remember that this world's NOT perfect, right?)

He can't do it. He says he's thought about it, and realistically he knows that he can't put in what's needed to maintain a long-distance relationship.

I guess that's fair. Not everyone does the long-distance thing very well. Of course, I also think he greatly overestimates my neediness in a relationship, because as long as there's love (and some -- ahem -- other stuff) when we are together, the details are pretty much irrelevant. Sure it'd be nice to just have dinner together on a Tuesday, but I don't need a man up my ass 24-7. I have always done well with long-distance relationships for two reasons. 1) I hate feeling like I'm part of a couple every second of my life and 2) The time when you are together is special. And even if your date isn't "exciting" by other people's standards, the fact that you have to make every second count makes it precious.

But it's not for him. That's OK. I could make the argument that two hours isn't really long-distance. Especially for a Detroiter who spent that much time getting to work everyday. And when I was in Ohio, everyone had a two-hour relationship because there weren't any towns between here and there. Of course, here in Tennessee, people who live in Franklin talk about Downtown like it's effing Afghanistan. Seriously, no one leaves their little areas. It's kind of weird.

So, what's next? Am I supposed to just get over this fantastic man who likes me too? I'm just a tortured victim of timing and geography. How exactly is that supposed to work? I think we've had this conversation before about shutting off our feelings like a bathroom faucet. Has anyone figured out how to do that since our last discussion? Please let me know if you have.

I can't apply logic and practicality to my emotions. Maybe that's what makes me a girl. If I could, I'm pretty sure I never would've fallen for my boss, whom I knew was leaving and going back to living two hours away. I can't just turn it off like a bathroom faucet. Maybe I could've if he would've told me that he didn't like me that way and didn't want to date me. Because you can't make someone see you that way if they don't.

I guess I'll just put it up on that closet shelf with all the other boxes. If it's supposed to happen all the pieces will fall in place.

Or maybe one day he'll realize that whoever that convenient girl he ends up with isn't me ...

posted by Laura at 12:40 PM