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Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Ramblin' fever

I really haven't had much to say, but I feel like I should check in.

Thanksgiving was good. I cooked a lot of delicious food. Everything was perfect. My friend Thomas helped me with the cooking and cleaning, and everything went really well. I think it helped me to stay busy too.

Despite the bumps and bruises of the last few months, I really do have a lot to be thankful for. I have a good job. I have great friends. A wonderful family, including a new nephew. Life is not bad.

I have toyed with the idea of brushing up on my Spanish and moving to South Florida when the economy picks back up. I think it would be better down there. I'd be closer to my family there, I have friends there, and I'd be near the ocean. I could use an ocean right now. All I know is that I watch CSI: Miami, and I wish I were there. (OK, maybe not covered in blood or interacting with David Caruso, but going to the beach and just staring at the ocean and not being cold. That'd be nice.)

That's a long-term idea. We'll see what happens. It just seems like now that I don't have any ties to Nashville like I did a few months ago, I am getting the wanderlust again. I really like South Florida. I especially like the Keys, but I could never get a job that would allow me to afford living there. Mostly because I just want to sit there and write like Hemingway. (Well, not really like Hemingway, but you know what I meant.)

I need to focus on being a "real" writer again. I am not sure how I will do that, considering that I can't even keep my blog up to date. I have a lot of great ideas; I just don't know how to get them out on paper. I want to inform and entertain people. I want to make people laugh. I just don't know how to make that happen.

As I was typing this, I looked over my shoulder and saw my "Writer's Block" on my desk. I think that everyday I will take a few minutes to write something, even if it is using a trigger from that book. I am starting to feel stale again, and that's the last thing that I want.

Although, someone once told me that I am only amusing when I am making fun of people, and that it can be really hateful. I am not a hateful person. Nine times out of ten, I pick on people because I care about them. And honestly, I just think it's better to laugh even when things are shitty. Just like I laughed about me spending my whole day in the kitchen preparing a delicious meal when I'm sure someone else ate hamburger helper off a dirty plate. In some ways, it's funny, but it's not really funny ha-ha; it's more funny in a sad way. As one of my friends said "Who would choose Betty Crackwhore, when he could have Betty Crocker?"

I don't know. I just know that I am not a loser in any way. I haven't lost here. I miss having a family, especially when I got sick a few days ago and I was really worried what would happen to me (my doctor thinks it's going to be fine, so I'm not worrying anymore), but I do deserve better. Not because he didn't go to college or because his clothes are always dirty or he drives old, beat-up cars, but because he totally took advantage of the situation and broke my heart when he didn't have to. I was content with being his friend, but he let me believe that we would live happily ever after, when really all he wanted was for Lisa to come back.

Well, you know what they say about karma, and it's going to catch up with you, if it hasn't already.

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