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Thursday, March 15, 2007

Warning: This is TMI.

I never thought I'd be talking about my hoo-hah on the Internet, but here goes.

I wanted to tell you all about the "little" ring that looks kind of like a pony tail holder. Except that you put it in your hoo-hah and it keeps you from having babies.

It's brilliant really. Although all the men in America have been doing a great job of keeping me from having babies for years.

But, at least I won't have cramps now.

I'm really bad about taking pills, so if I ever did get the opportunity to do the deed again, it's good that this is pretty idiot-proof and 99-percent effective. And although I was intimidated at first (if I find the man who said it was the size of a silver dollar ... it's not), I don't even know that it's there anymore. Seriously, I keep thinking it fell out, but it hasn't. And I don't think it'll be hard to get out when it's all said and done.

My mother cracked me up when I talked to her yesterday. I understand that a 30-year-old woman and her non-self-imposed celibacy is a little hard to believe, but when I was talking to her she says, "Your pharmacist takes it too. She wouldn't do that if she didn't think it worked. So, that's good."

What does it need to work for, mom? Working for me generally means no cramps and periods that don't last a week. I was having a no-baby zone the entire time that I haven't been taking birth control for the last few months. Trust me, I'd rather I didn't, but what are you going to do about it.

And my best chance of ending the dry streak as of late was last spotted having sex with someone else's wife (not me, just for clarification) in his car. Still mesmerized why I care. I do believe this whole mess was God's way of keeping me from swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.

So, if I were going to have sex, I could do it in just six days with no worries. That's nice to know. On the plus side, for some reason the girl at my insurance must've been mistaken because had it not been free, it would've been the same price as the $30 tic-tacs.

2 comment(s):

I don't really want to break the bad news to you but I do know 2 people that got pregnant while using the magic "ring" in the last year. 1 of them was told by a few doctors when she was younger that she probably would NEVER have children but she was using birth control just in case because she wasn't sure she wanted any.

By Blogger rosalie, at 3/16/2007 6:08 AM  

I'm not too worried about it, because I don't ever get to have sex. And if I do get to have sex, I'm afraid of creepy crawlies, so there'll be a lot more than a ring involved.

I'm sure it'll be great. My period has already stopped (after a week without the ring), so it's already doing something right!

By Blogger Laura, at 3/16/2007 8:51 AM  

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