Does anybody read these?

Saturday, August 30, 2008

More on the funk...

I feel like I should clarify a few things --

First of all, my work trip went well for what it was. I didn't like riding in a van with all my co-workers, and I didn't like that my hotel room had twin beds (twin beds? for grown-ups?!), but I did enjoy myself. I got to hang out with co-workers that I normally don't get to see, my friend Jacquie came down from Knoxville for supper and we went to Bubba Gump's, which is the only chain restaurant I will visit on vacation. And the work part went really well, even though I was exhausted and grumpy by the time I got home.

So, now I'm home in my bigger bed, and I've been dealing with reality.

For some reason I've chosen to focus on a little spring cleaning around here. I'm not cleaning my closets; I'm cleaning out my heart. Apparently some friends were worried they had made the cut, but if you have enough conscience to worry about it, then you most likely have made the cut.
I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be surrounded by good people.

There are just some people in my life who aren't conducive to achieving all I deserve, so I'm just phasing them out. There will be no mean, nasty blogs. There will be no fights or tears. I'll just call less until I don't even notice they're missing. Not that it doesn't hurt, because it does. But at some point, you realize there is no point, you know?

But as for love, I'm not looking for it anytime soon. I need to take a little break from all that jazz. As much as I want to have a family and hate being alone, I'm not going to worry about it. I can't. It'll all work out if it's supposed to. But, for the time being, I cannot deal with tears. I cannot deal with someone saying he loves me when he wants something, but not saying anything when I tell him my grandma is sick and I am scared. Asshole. There's also the issue of him acting like he's ashamed of me, and frankly, he could do so much worse, so he should get over that shit.

Except he doesn't have to. Because I am reclaiming my dignity and being done with it. I'm sure all of his bullshit lately means that he's not the one God wants me to marry. Let's face it, none of us thought he'd spend all that money and time annulling the last marriage he rushed into.

Yeah, my grandma's sick, and that's probably the biggest thing that's making me nervous/scared/grumpy these days. Just pray, OK?

Everyone misses the funny stuff. I'm going to try to get more up here. I had to go to the driver's license bureau yesterday, so that should be good for a funny post.

But first, I need to take a shower and make some french toast and bacon...

3 comment(s):

Breakfast sounds good! I hope that your grandma feels better soon; I know how important your family is to you.

By Blogger rosalie, at 8/30/2008 1:07 PM  

I hope it all looks up soon. It sounds like everything is hitting you at once and it's just overwhelming. I hope your grandma feels better soon. I know I was very upset about my granny a couple of months ago and was in tears at work for a couple of days. It's hard, but please know there's someone out there who feels for you.

Take care, Charlene

By Blogger Charlene, at 9/01/2008 11:45 PM  

i hoe your grandma is doing okay. of you ever need anything, let me know. ive had a few pretty shitty weeks, but it cant go anywhere but up, right?

By Anonymous Erin S., at 9/05/2008 6:37 AM  

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