Does anybody read these?

Sunday, August 30, 2009


I am so confused. I am not sure what to do with everything that's going on.

Part of me wants to just let it go, because I feel like I have not chance.

But part of me wants to believe him when he tells me to hang on and that everything will be OK.

I don't really believe anything will be OK anymore.

I tried to eat this weekend, because I hadn't done that since Tuesday. I got violently ill, so all I did was waste my money on eating in restaurants.

I'm having nightmares, but I slept a full night last night.

The tears are still falling, but they are getting better.

I just wish I knew if I should just let it go. I want to talk to him, but he is avoiding me. And then that pisses me off, because I feel like that's not fair.

I don't know anymore. Some people say to give him time to come back to his senses. Other people tell me just to let him go. I know I feel it's hopeless, but I'm hardly ever Susie Sunshine.

But what are you supposed to think when your boyfriend is out introducing someone else to all of your mutual friends. I am embarrassed, humiliated and hurt.

I'm tired. I'm hungry, but I'm afraid to eat. I'm afraid that there is no decision that's the right decision anymore.

I'm afraid that Chris and Shelby will forget me after all we've been through together.

I can't do this everyday. I can't do it until Oct. 22 (the scheduled date of Chris' final divorce hearing, which is his self-imposed deadline).

I don't think there's any reason to. I don't understand why he won't let me break up with him. Or at least talk to him and get the truth about the situation here.

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