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Wednesday, October 06, 2010

A lover, not a fighter

In the past, some folks have taken occasion to insinuate (or flat-out say) that I am a drama mama and I thrive on a good conflict.

Those people are smoking big, giant crack rocks that would make Whitney Houston proud.

I hate fighting with people. I hate conflict. I am the first one to back down when I sense a fight coming up. I will walk away as you shout out me before I dive into the fray. I don't like to fight. I'm a communitarian. In my utopia, everyone holds hands and sings kumbiyah all the time (John Mayer is leading this sing-along with his acoustic -- after all it is utopia).

OK, maybe we don't hold hands. I don't really like holding strangers' hands. I sit by myself at church so no one will want to hold my hands during the Lord's Prayer. It creeps me out.

Anyhow, fighting is bad. No good ever comes from it. Feelings are hurt, and assholes are never anything but assholes.

Recently, I was asked to join the board of a nonprofit organization here in Nashville. Normally I would not be inclined to do such a thing, but I was there when the organization was founded and it's something that I believe in. I was not asked because of whom I know or how much money I have, which is a good thing, because I am just an everyday person. But now, that is becoming my detriment.

There is a person who doesn't want me on the board because she looks down upon me. Now I can guarantee I know people in this town who could buy and sell all of her friends, even if I don't drop their names every 22 seconds. In fact, I find most name-droppers do that because they don't really know shit. And from her own donor history, I am guessing that she probably talks a really big game.

I could fight her. In fact, I've already lined up a pretty big celebrity to participate in our spring fundraiser next year. I think that's going to be a pretty good opportunity. Of course, it's months off, but I can guarantee that she's not nominating the pet of a major country artist to be Nashville's Top Dog.

But, I'm tired. It's exhausting trying to prove myself, especially when it's not necessary. You all know, I don't beg people to like me and I don't blah blah blah on about myself in order to prove my worth. I am what I am, and if you don't like that, you're more than free to go fuck yourself.

I don't want to do it. I just don't have the energy. I work 65 hours a week because I don't have a rich husband to pay my bills, nor do I ever see that happening for me. I like working. I also like helping people, but I do not like people who give me attitude while I am trying to help. Volunteers, especially those who go the extra mile, should be appreciated not treated like shit.

Because otherwise, one day you'll look up and they'll be walking away as you're shouting over their shoulders at them.

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