Does anybody read these?

Mother knows best

I don't know if I've mentioned this here, but I talk to my mom on the phone everyday on my way to work. It helps me keep in touch with her, because I miss her and she's my biggest cheerleader.

Today I tell her that I am going to Weight Watchers, but I am dreading it because I am sure I gained weight. (It was much worse than I imagined, for those keeping track at home.)

She tells me: I know you hate it, but you just need to write down everything you eat. Not just because you need to keep track of what you're eating, but why you're eating. It can be not only a food journal, but a real journal too. So when you lose 100 pounds and people want to know your story, it will already be written.

I thought about that for a bit, but then I realized a few things. First of all, I'm not a huge fan of other people's inspirational stories. Yes, I have tons of friends who have had success with weight loss and they do have inspirational stories. My TOPS pals have been huge inspirations for me. But, as we all know, my journey to become the super-sized version of me really started when I found myself surrounded by people with disordered thinking about their bodies and their eating habits. So, I try to avoid first-person testimonials most of the time. And secondly, the readers of my blog did not sign up for a play-by-play on my weight loss journey (which, to date, has not really left the parking lot). I hate when folks get on some sort of idea and their blogs go off on some crazy tangent to Uninteresting Land, and I am not going to do that to you all.

Don't get me wrong, there may be a post or two about my internal struggle with a cupcake, especially if I can make it funny. But I won't be telling you how much lettuce I ate, how many points I get or if I went to the gym. Unless, of course, there's a story there. There aren't many stories about lettuce, and rightly so.

I have huge, major hesitation about Weight Watchers, and I have a feeling my time there will be short-lived. I paid $99 through the end of the year, and that will be fine, but it really is expensive. I don't really dig how much money people make off me losing weight. It kind of makes me feel skeevy.

But, I need accountability and TOPS is not that convenient here. Still, maybe I will try to find a meeting that works for me. Maybe I will find a group of "diet buddies" that don't cost $12/week. I know what to do; I just need folks to hold me accountable. If no one asks about me going to the gym, I won't go. Even though I know I NEED to, losing weight and becoming healthier just isn't a priority for me, no matter what I do. Yeah, my knees hurt and my pants don't fit, but I don't hate myself anymore, and that's worth way more than $12/week to me.

Sometimes I wish I did. Maybe it would all be easier then. Maybe I'd be looking for that magic pill.

I don't know. I'm going to start working out again, so that will help.

Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

posted by Laura at 1:35 PM