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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Blame it on PMS

Never before in my life have I wished that I never met a person. Never. With all the assholes and liars I've met along the way, I have never, ever before wished that someone's path had not crossed mine, or, in this case, that they'd never actually graced the earth with their presence. I've always just assumed that these people were in my life for some reason, to teach me some lesson.

I'm at this place right now, and it's not particularly a place that I like. I'm sad, and I'm hurt. I wish I could go back in time with a magic eraser and just make it all go away. I should not be this upset over something that wasn't that great in the first place and only lasted a couple months of my life. In fact, if I don't get over it soon enough, I will have been upset about it more than I was un-upset about it, and that's stupid.

Maybe that's why I'm so pissed. I feel stupid. I feel disposable. I feel like a chump. I don't like feeling like that.

I shouldn't be so upset. I shouldn't be upset at all. And, if I truly, honestly care, then why would I begrudge someone I care about happiness?

Maybe that's why I'm mad. I never begrudge anyone else happiness, even when it means I'm the one who's not happy.

He knows that. That's why he feels guilty. And that's supposed to be enough, to make me feel better.

Kicking him in the nuts would make me feel better. I just might look into that.

After all, I feel like I'm owed at least that.

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