Does anybody read these?

Ramblin' fever...

I've been in a funk lately. I've been stressed out at work, although I'm pretty caught up on my to-do list, and I'm very excited about it.

I have a lot going on. I'm moving in a couple of weeks. I thought I had bought a new bed, but I was informed tonight that probably isn't going to happen. Oh well, I'll live. It just distresses me that my new mattress is getting ruined because I'm using it on a futon frame.

I still need to find someone with a truck to help me move. I have someone I could ask, but I'm a little afraid to. We're not exactly what I'd call friends, and I'm guessing that he probably would rather not hear from me ever again. Might be true; might be my self-esteem. I'm not sure I care.

Speaking of friends who'd rather not ever hear from me again, have you ever realized that the people that you thought were your friends and could count on for anything probably didn't care about as much as you thought? It's hard enough when it's one person, but it really sucks when it's just about everyone. To know there are dinners and parties that you're not invited to, that you're just not on their radar screen anymore.

And it's kind of scary to think that if something did happen and you really needed a friend that there'd be no one to take your call. It hurts really bad. I can't even explain how much it sucks.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I guess I can try to take them off my radar screen too. They probably won't even notice. Or better yet, they'll be glad to get rid of me without telling me to "fuck off." Of course, that's what they're doing anyway every single time they make plans and then make sure that I somehow find out I've been excluded.

I've realized there is no point in actually being a good friend and being there for your friends no matter what, because you're not ever going to find a person who does that back for you. Not that you expect anything in return when you give like that, but at the same time, it really hurts that you'd drop everything for someone and they'd shit on you time and time again.

I'm really hurting. And people don't talk to me anymore. I have no idea where I'm supposed to find new friends, and I hate being alone.

So, I don't know when the funk will end. I have a few ideas, but I don't really want to talk about those either.

My diet is really going well. I made a really awesome taco salad tonight and last night. It was very yummy and filling, and I'm not sure it had many calories at all. I've also still got some light rum cake left, which has been one of my favorite finds from this whole diet thing.

I have no idea who I'm going to vote for on Tuesday. None at all. For the first time ever, I'm debating a little with not voting. I was for Al Gore, who didn't run. Then I was for John Edwards, who couldn't win. Hillary's kind of a bitch; but Obama doesn't have the experience to do anything. America's a fucking mess.

I watched "Sicko," that Michael Moore movie, last night. It made me want to marry a Canadian guy to get good health care. At first I was all excited about Hillary because of her single-payer, universal plan. Not as good as Canada's, but it would do. But then I found out that the plan of 1994 is just a pipe dream. You see, the insurance and pharmaceutical companies (for-profit entities) make the rules in the United States, and Hillary's in their pocket now. But I saw her on TV and she says she still supports affordable health care for all. Affordable is a little different than free, like it is in every other civilized country, but it's better than nothing.

Seriously, if you haven't seen the movie, go do it. But be prepared to not have warm, fuzzy feelings about America.

As a side note, what's so wrong with being a socialist? Just wondering...

So, I'm investigating Hillary's plan. If it looks good, I will support her and then pray to the infant baby Jesus that the Republicans don't stop her this time.

I do think Barack is going to make my favorite political dream boat Patrick Kennedy his running mate, but I can't vote for him just because of that. Really, is anyone surprised that Hillary and Bill attempted to steamroll someone to get what they want? At least they do it because they love America. And Obama hasn't exactly been nice to Hillary. I'd give him $50 if he'd just call her Senator Clinton, just once.

I guess I have two more days to figure it out. I should've gone and voted early for Edwards before he dropped out, but it was raining that day.

Song of the day, "I'm Alive" from Willie Nelson's new Moment of Forever CD. I'd heard about this song a while ago (back when I was in love with its yellow-haired co-writer), but I didn't know where it would end up. It's as beautiful and haunting as I thought it would be. Definitely worth the 99 cents on iTunes, even though I think we've all given up on him using his songwriting riches to buy me baubles.

posted by Laura at 7:43 PM