Does anybody read these?

The cook-out

So, I got up yesterday and tried to conquer the world. I threw laundry in, did the dishes and took out the trash. That kind of wore me out, but the weather was cooperating, so I decided that we might as well proceed with the cook-out. I let everyone know we were still on.

I originally planned to go to Walmart and get my plants for my little gardening project too, even though I'm kind of over Walmart. I just didn't know where else I could get everything.

I aborted that plan and headed to Kroger's for groceries. I'm glad that I did, because just as I went to get out of the car, it started to pour down rain. Luckily it stopped, I went inside and even managed to get a dry cart. Perhaps the weather would allow me to grill out after all.

I had a plan. Put the brownies in the oven. Chop up veggies and get the pasta boiling. While the pasta cools, cut up the fries and put them in the oven. Then chop up the rest of the stuff for the pasta salad. At this point, there was a monsoon, and I realized that the grill was not going to be used, so I put the steaks on the George Foreman grill.

Everything was delicious. We had a great evening. The only glitch was that I somehow managed to turn off the ice maker. So, when I went to make everyone's drinks, there was no ice. Oops. I turned it back on, and it quickly made a cube, but I needed to go plan b. Luckily one of the guests who hadn't arrived yet was able to stop and get ice.

It was a lot of fun, and we ended up all sitting in the kitchen and talking over drinks and brownies until after midnight. You wouldn't believe all the topics that swirled around. It was a lot of fun, and I hated to see it end. Although I think I was worn out on my first day back in the land of the living, because I fell asleep in bed with my phone in my hand.

I was talking to one of my friends right before bed about a lot of stuff. I realized that my life is pretty great, even though I have my moments where I think that it isn't. Even though my job may not be as long-term as I'd like to believe, I can just keep working hard and building up my skill set, and I'll be ready when I have to move on. I'd like to make it three years there at the minimum, so I've got my fingers crossed on that. I really love my job, so I just hope they don't run out of money to pay me at some point.

Of course, ask me if I love my job when I'm working all my spare hours to catch up next week. That's fine. I only have to do it four times a year.

It's not like I have anything better to do, and it's not like I'm sitting home on the couch. That drove me nuts this week, although I can use the money I saved by staying home for my little gardening project. Although I'm not feeling too ambitious today, and my plan is to go to church at six this evening. I was told recently that I might want to work on myself, and while it was a "Hello Pot, this is Kettle..." moment, I have been working on myself. We can all work on ourselves, can't we?

Anyhow, part of working on me is going to include spending more time with God. I've really gotten away from my spirituality for a lot of reasons. When I look in the mirror, I don't see the person that I want to be all the time. Sometimes I don't even recognize the person looking back at me. That has to stop. So, starting this week I'm making time for prayer, reading the Bible and getting more involved at church.

I know my schedule is pretty crazy, but it's something I have to do. I also need to get back to working out everyday, even if it's late at night like I did back when I was OCD. I'm sick of being fat.

Of course, the work-out plan will have to wait until I can breathe again. I'm hoping that'll be soon.

And my last personal improvement goal for the week?

Sheri, are you ready?

I need to get a lot better about brushing and flossing my teeth. I've had to keep my teeth really clean because of all the germs I have right now, and I realized that I am going to lose my teeth if I don't get serious about this. And mostly, I can't afford new teeth. It sounds painful, too.

I think I'm doing great with my self-esteem right now. When everyone kept telling me that this whole row with my friend stemmed from her being jealous of me, I couldn't wrap my head around that. I've spent weeks trying to figure out why anyone would be jealous of me.

But I have realized:
1. I have a good job doing what I love, even though these days I feel like I'm standing on shaky ground.
2. I have a lot of people who love me, whether they are family, friends or the Y chromosome who complicates my life.
3. I have moved to a great new house, and I absolutely love it here.
4. Even though I've wondered lately, I am a strong person. I'm honest, compassionate, smart and fun to be around. I'm a good friend.
5. I keep busy. True, most of it is working, but I have a pretty good social life when I want to. Even though I love sitting at home and watching TV in the living room at my new house, I don't spend all my free time doing that by any stretch of the imagination. I have my homebody moments, but I almost went bonkers staying home for two days.
6. And I'd like to think that I am pretty cute.

So, life is good. I'm very happy. I recently made a new friend who is just great. That was a total fluke, but I'm really glad she's in my life. We have similar backgrounds (although I'm very jealous that her journalism degree is from Columbia), and we just get along.

I also found out this week that a guy I knew from grade school and high school committed suicide. He was sick with bipolar disorder, and nothing the doctors did for him seemed to help. He got to the point where he didn't feel like he had any other options. It seems kind of petty and silly for me to think that anything about my life sucks. I'm a very lucky lady.

This post got away from me a little. I just had a lot to say. I think all the time to think lately has really helped me sort through everything in my brain. I'll be fine, whatever's thrown at me.

posted by Laura at 10:52 AM