Does anybody read these?

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


First off, I am grateful that Mike is coming from Atlanta to hang out with me. I will try very hard to not be anti-social, even though all I really want to do is tell everyone to stay home so I can order a pizza and watch hockey by myself.

Now that I've gotten all the positivity out of my system, I wanted to share something that I read this morning. By now, everyone should know that there are really very few things that I detest more than being lied to. And everyone seems to be doing it. I think there is something about me that makes people want to lie to me. Maybe it's because I swear that I'm going to start reading people the riot act when I catch them, but instead I just walk away. At least after the whole crazy Kym fiasco I walk away instead of stick around. I guess that's progress.

This was my daily inspiration in my inbox today:

Trust is the foundation of all relationships. Without trust you have nothing, and you sure can't build an effective team. Trust is formulated by making deposits into the Emotional Bank Accounts of others. High trust cultures are ones where there is creative excitement, high levels of synergy, and positive energy flowing in all directions. Low trust cultures are filled with toxic energy, a contentious spirit, and people who are extremely de-motivated. So how do you deposit into the account with others:

1. Make and keep your commitments
2. Affirm and validate the potential in others
3. Be there at the crossroads of people's lives when they need you the most
4. Remember, the little things are the big things.
5. Walk your own talk

The more trust you build with others the more INFLUENCE you will have with them.

*** Hi, it's me again after our little diversion about how relationships without trust are toxic. Toxic. Very interesting word choice. That's what everyone tells me.

I shouldn't have to spend weekends where I don't hear from my boyfriend wondering what or whom he's doing while I'm 600 miles away, why used to talk to me all day long and answer my e-mails and he doesn't anymore. And there's got to be some reason why I could spend a weekend showing one person more trust than I ever have in my life only to get home and have him deny my request to be my friend on MySpace. I probably should've just dumped him then. Lately, I just get this feeling that I'm a big joke to him, that he and his friends are sitting around laughing at my expense, but I really hope that is just me being paranoid.

Once trust is gone, it's just gone. I hate that I can't trust him because I love him so much. There's just this nagging pit in my stomach. For some reason he doesn't want to see me, and honestly even though I miss him dreadfully, I know I need to just let it go. For some reason...

It's not just him, though. You all know that I had one friendship that I've tried to salvage, but I'm not sure how that's going to turn out. It's really hard to even have a conversation with someone when you're not sure if you can trust them. I just don't know. It seems less toxic than usual, so that's good, but it's not easy.

Now it looks highly probable that another friend is lying to me. I'm not sure what the truth is, and I hate that. I just hate the whole thing, and I don't get why someone would lie to me, especially about stupid bullshit. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do about it.

A big, huge part of me wants to grow some balls and just start telling people off. But how do you do that to people you care about? Because even though they're shitty and probably really don't care about you, they are still people who have been a part of your life...

I'm just venting. I don't want to do anything but sit at home and cry and instead I am here at work trying not to cry. I just hope I'm cheered up by 7 p.m. or this will be the shittiest birthday party ever.

2 comment(s):

I hope that you had a good night. That whole "questioning" part of a relationship sucks, it doesn't matter who it is. I hate second guessing people. I really do think you will find your way through all of this.

By Blogger rosalie, at 5/29/2008 9:24 AM  

I'm not sure how, when, where or why yet, but I am pretty sure everything is going to be OK. I was just venting. Venting is OK.

By Blogger Laura, at 5/29/2008 9:36 AM  

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