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Tuesday, July 01, 2008


A while back, I was having a conversation with one of my friends, and I realized that I wasn't quite sure why I was friends with this person anymore. It wasn't that I didn't want to be friends, because I care about this person very much; I just didn't see the point. It seemed like they had moved on, and we had little in common. It's not like I want to burn the bridge or close the door, because I would always be there for this person if they reached out to me, but the reaching seems to happen less and less these days. That makes me sad, but I have plenty to keep me busy if someone has other people they'd rather spend time with.

Friendships evolve. Or sometimes they don't.

Just like Cindy, who is coming to visit this week, and I'm super-excited even though I've not yet figured out when I will get to see her. I told her to come see my new house, which isn't really my house, but I'm excited about it nonetheless. I never closed the door on Cindy. Or maybe I closed the door, but left the window cracked just a little bit. And even though we don't talk to each other every single day and she doesn't know all my deepest, darkest secrets anymore, I still know that if I needed her she would be here in a heartbeat. In fact, she has been there for me when no one else has, which is what Cindy does best.

So, now I don't ever really walk away from anyone, even if it really hurts that they ignore me and/or treat me like shit, whether it's permanent or temporary.

I think that every relationship that we have changes us somehow. We may not realize it for years afterward, but all friendships and loves are dynamic. And if they aren't, they should be.

I'm blessed with many good friends. I've had challenges with many of my friends. Life wouldn't be life if we didn't have challenges once in a while. Some of the challenges I would've rather not had, but I can see the benefit of every single person who's been in my life. Some have contributed much, and some have contributed less, but they've all made a difference. Some have taught me to be less trusting and naive, while others have taught me that I am a beautiful person, both inside and out. Everyone has value, even if they bring negativity into your life. And I try to keep the negative to a minimum when possible. Not that I ever shut the door; I might just look through the peephole next time.

I don't know why I'm so introspective right now. Maybe because the KennyLand Express from CrazyTown is rolling into Nashville this week, and I know there are people on it I'd rather not see. But they don't matter, and my time in CrazyTown really has helped me become the person I am today, and I like that person 95 percent of the time, and I think that's very good.

Song of the day: "It's good to be back" by Chris Cagle. Just because.

1 comment(s):

Oh, is Kenny coming to town? I was just coming for the food, lol.
Can't wait to see you either. Funny thing about those bridges, doors, and windows....they can all be rebuilt. See ya this weekend.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7/01/2008 6:26 PM  

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