Does anybody read these?

Thursday, January 28, 2010


I know everyone is worried about me. I do appreciate it. Thank you.

I don't know how or when, but someday I'm going to be OK. And, by OK, I hope that means mentally and physically, although I'll be honest and say I'm not exactly sure how it will happen.

I have had a rough patch the last few months. And everytime something good comes along, something bad comes along too.

I don't like to say goodbyes. I don't like to let anyone go from my life because everyone with whom I associate provides some sort of special value that no one else can provide. I am blessed to know a lot of really wonderful people.

But it seems that even though I don't want to give up on anyone else, they don't think twice about giving up on me. I guess the good thing about that (when you get past all the heartache, betrayal and disappointment) is that when someone gives up on me, I'm not the one who's losing. It seems like it, because I love everyone and I hate to see anyone go. But if someone doesn't want to be in my life, I can't force it. And if they're going to be in my life but be shitty, well, I don't have time for that.

Sorry for my rant earlier. I still have a migraine and I am taking a nap the minute I get home, but I'm feeling somewhat better.

I know people think that I am being or have been ridiculous, but it's something that I've dealt with. I've really not talked to a lot of people about a lot of what's going on. So, basically what I am saying here is that no one except little ol' me knows the whole story. And it's better that way. Just know that I am not well and I am still dealing with a lot of pain, but I am dealing with it. I am glad everyone worries about me, but there really isn't much anyone can do to help me, unless someone has a magic wand. One that works.

Just love me. And if it's really too hard, then that's OK too.

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