Does anybody read these?

Somedays I'm OK with being single...

Actually, most days I'm OK with being single. But I'll tell you after the recent relationship woes some of my friends and folks I know have been having, I have no issues at all with being single. First of all, I've been told time and time again that I have to get my life on track before I can start a new relationship. I know that everything's topsy-turvy right now. But this week I sat down and wrote out my long-term career plan and I've been job-hunting and house-hunting and am definitely planning my move to Nashville early next year. With the eventual goal of working in the music industry, I really need to be there. I have a career plan to meet my goals and I'm working on it. And maybe once I get settled, I'll start thinking about seeing what's out there in the relationship department. Of course, I've never been one that needed a man in her life to exist. I'm actually quite independent and that doesn't always work in the relationship world. But I'll be honest sometimes it gets a little cold and lonely and this big bed. (The song "Sleepin' Single in a Double Bed" just came to mind...)

Anyhow, lately I've realized that some guys are complete and total dicks. OK, I've always known that, but there are some real gems out there. Last spring I read He's Just Not That Into You, and I encourage any woman who hasn't read it to get to a library or bookstore and get it now. It's a quick read. And yeah, it's not perfect, but if it doesn't change your views on relationships I'll be suprised. There was an ex that I had been contemplating calling when I sat down with that book. By the time I got done reading I realized that not only was he not into me, but I didn't particularly like him either. I'm currently reading the author's newest book: It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken. It's another great find.

I have been surprised lately by an interesting phenomenon in relationships. Who are these men who cheat and do other awful things to destroy their relationships and then get pissed when their wives want to leave? You know what buddy? If you acted like someone who wanted to stay, maybe that would give your wife some incentive. Since when was it one person's responsibility to put ALL the effort into the relationship? That's not a relationship at all; that's indentured service, and it's illegal in the U.S. Here's a little note to my female friends who are in shitty relationships right now: You deserve better. You see, God has put someone on earth for you to spend the rest of your life with. I blogged about that a while back. And let me just tell you that a man who would cheat on you or not contribute to your marriage or have ulterior motives or guilt-trip you into staying is NOT the man God put on earth for you. He's not. I have seen so many of my friends who are absolutely miserable in a relationship and stay. If you have kids, I can see trying to make it work for the kids' sake. But men who really love you the way they are supposed to will do whatever they can to make it work. So if you're the only one putting in any effort, it's not going to work.

Maybe I'm just getting picky in my old age. When I'm the 70 year old spinster aunt with a dozen cats and a glass dish of ribbon candy on my coffee table, y'all show me this post and remind me how I was too idealistic and ended up all alone, OK?

I'm not saying relationships don't need work and to bail when it's not 100% perfect. I just saying make sure that everyone in the relationship wants to be in it. And that should be just you and your significant other. Not you, him and the maid/babysitter/his secretary. Or ESPN. Or his poker buddies. Or his beer. Just you and him.

posted by Laura at 10:04 PM