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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

My best friend

As I write this, I can hear that Michael W. Smith song, "Friends" in my head.

"...Friends are friends forever,
if the Lord's the Lord of them.
And a friend will not say 'never,'
'cause the welcome will not end..."

As you all know, I recently had a friend decide that she no longer wanted to be my friend. It was something that any of you who read here everyday know was probably a long time coming.

Frankly, I could make all kinds of suppositions about what happened with our friendship. I could, but I won't. I'm sick of analyzing it. She is not losing any sleep over this, so neither should I. I'm just putting it up on a shelf and walking away. I don't like the person that I've been the last few months, and I'm pretty positive it's directly related to all of this bull shit, so I'm just taking a break from it.

Whether the break is temporary or permanent remains to be seen. But, at least for now, I have to move on.

However, before I could move on, I had to get past the blame game that I had going on with myself. I know that no one incident caused this rift in our friendship. And I know that in some ways, we're both to blame. But because of the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back," which got blamed on me 100 percent, I had to forgive myself in order to move on.

Yes, I probably did hurt her with my actions. I probably could've handled it a little better than I did. I probably should've just kept my mouth shut, honestly. That's what she would've done. But I don't regret anything that's happened. I don't blame anyone. I apologized to her, and that's all I can do. If she doesn't want to accept that apology, that's not my problem.

But regardless, I was feeling like a shitty friend yesterday. Nevermind that all of my other friends tell me that I'm a great friend, and I know that she's being unreasonable. I just felt like maybe I was an awful person for what I "did" to her.

In the throes of my bad day and shitty-friend feelings, I decided to send a text to my dearest friend in the whole world: Mike. I miss him, and I knew he could probably say something that would cheer me up.

I didn't hear from him until 2:30 or so, and cheering me up was definitely on his agenda. You see, when he got my text he was actually in Tennessee. In Knoxville, but it's still Tennessee. So, he drove hundreds of miles out of his way, half-way across the state and showed up at my office with a humongous vase of flowers to take me out to dinner.

We went to El Mariachi. I briefly thought about convincing him to split the fajitas for two with me, but decided on a burrito instead.

We caught up, but we didn't talk about what had been bothering me. We didn't have to, because him showing up answered all the questions I had in my brain.

No, I am not a bad friend.
Yes, people love me. They love me enough to travel hundreds of miles out of their way to make sure I'm OK.
There are people who would do anything for me in this world.
And, if after everything we've been through, Mike and I can be friends, then there really isn't a gripe in the world that anyone else could have that would be worth walking away.

But, if someone wants to walk away, I can't stop them. I can hope and pray that maybe someday they'll come back with a new perspective on our friendship, like Mike and I have done. If someone is meant to be in your life, they will be. That being said, I also know that some people are only in your life for a very specific purpose and period of time.

And, you know what? That's OK too.

A long, long time ago I was on my way to church, and Kay asked me to light a candle for her after mass. I did that every single Sunday until she moved here. I guess I forgot about it when she was so nearby. Of course, part of that could be that I haven't gotten to church nearly as much either.

But I went back to church on Sunday, which was right where I needed to be. And after mass, I lit her candle again. A few prayers never hurt anyone.

I just finished reading a book, called "Someone Like You," that is about the trials and tribulations of two women who are best friends. It was a good little book, tied up neatly with happy endings. What intrigued me most about this book was a quote on the back cover:

"A true friend is a promise that you keep forever."

I learned last night how true that is. And I'm not breaking any promises to anyone. Ever.

Even if they have to sit on a shelf for a while. And all that reminds me of the next part of the Michael W. Smith song:

"... Though it's hard to let you go,
In the Father's hands, we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends."

Song of the Day: "My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw.

God bless each and everyone of my friends. Thank you for their unconditional love.

P.S. Because I'm a girl, I'm posting a picture of my flowers, too.

Photobucket

1 comment(s):

I'm glad things are looking up for you. I think that MWS song really fits your situation. I haven't heard that song in forever, and I wanted to thank you for reminding me what I loved about it all those years ago. It should be our anthem.

By Anonymous Patty, at 4/09/2008 7:45 AM  

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