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Friday, April 25, 2008

Growing up

When I was in college, I used to think the best friend in the world was the one who would hold your hair while you puked after a night of binge drinking. That was always Michael. I had lots of friends who made sure that I got home safely when I drank too many black widows or did shots with a guy named Tequila Scott. Life was good.

We're grown-ups now, and it's a little different. Occasionally, someone still has to make sure I get home OK, but now friendships look a little more like this: kidnapping a friend for the day because her husband is a jack ass and decided to serve her with divorce papers on her birthday; buying an assload of baby clothes at Toyland for a friend who's decided to have a baby on her own; holding someone's hand while you both pray that second blue line doesn't appear; and, one I found out about last night, sitting on your couch feeding a friend popsicles because the chemo is giving her hot flashes.

There are still nights that I get too drunk and need someone to help me get home, but those nights are fewer and farther between. I left my college days behind many, many years ago. I know. It's sad, but true. These gray hairs and all the meds I take with my morning cup of coffee that remind me that I'm not 21 years old anymore with my biggest decision being whether I wanted Burrito Buggy or Goodfella's Pizza after I stumbled out of O'Hooley's on Thursday night. In fact, when I go out on Thursdays now (which is rare), Seth only plays until 10, and I am still in bed by midnight, at the latest.

We have grown-up jobs and grown-up bills and, as it comes to my attention more and more each day, grown-up problems. Our husbands are leaving us; we're knocked up by a guy we barely know; we're not knocked up by a guy we barely know; and we have cancer.

I work 60 hours a week because I'm trying to be more financially responsible. I might even read a Dave Ramsey book. I was in junior high almost 20 years ago, and I have no desire to be there right now. I just don't.

In the last two months, I cannot tell you how many times that I have heard and/or uttered the phrase: "She's 23 years old; she just doesn't know any better." But that's not an excuse for awful behavior. Otherwise, when she's 24, the excuse will be "She's 24," then 25, and on and on and on... And I'll still be too old for junior high.

All I know is that good friends don't make you feel bad about yourself. They don't steal a bed that they know you need and then not answer their phones when they promised they'd help you move. They don't talk about you behind your back and blab things you tell them in confidence. They don't tell your other friends that you're working and that's why you're not at an event when they never invited you. They don't steal your roommate or your boyfriend (or both). They don't get wasted and crash on your couch the night you're recovering from surgery.

I just feel like a chump. I cannot believe I put so much trust into someone who did not deserve it in the least. I guess that's how relationships work, though. You put your trust into someone and just hope they don't screw you and break your heart.

I hope the hurting is over for me. All I know is that seeing this under the bright, flourescent lights makes me realize that I didn't do ANYTHING wrong at all. I was just dealing with someone who is incapable of having any best friend except herself. I believe everyone should be their own best friend, but not to the detriment of the others around them.

Song of the day: "You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone" by Brooks & Dunn.

2 comment(s):

It is really hard to excuse bad behavior from a "friend". Some people never learn that honesty is the best policy!

By Blogger rosalie, at 4/25/2008 11:40 AM  

I feel very bad for you. I so know how you are feeling. I've been there. Too bad I live so far away. I would ask you to go have a drink with me.

By Blogger Daisy, at 4/26/2008 7:32 PM  

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