Does anybody read these?

Wow, it's been a while.

Don't you like that I disappear for weeks on end? Well, my friends, I think some of you might call it "having a life."

I've definitely been busy lately, enjoying my life. I started training for the half-marathon. It's not going so well, but I'm further along than I thought. Of course, we made our reservations for St. John for 8 Tuff Miles 2010, so I have a year to really get in shape so I can conquer that beast.

Life has been great lately. It's had a few ups and downs, but for the most part, it's going really well. I have been cooking up a storm and spending a lot of time cuddled up on the couch watching TV. It's nice to not go home to an empty house all the time. In fact, I am going on day three of having the house to myself, and I'm not really so good at it anymore. You take it for granted when someone is always around.

Toyland still stinks, but I think I'll be there for a while. I have a two-year-old who needs stuff and, frankly, money is a teeny bit tight right now. (Did I mention we just reserved a place to stay DURING HIGH SEASON on St. John for next year? It's a deal, and it beats camping, but it still costs money. And besides, it gives me a goal with the weight loss stuff.)

I'm getting to the point where I have a love-hate relationship with the trainer. The scale says that I've only lost around five pounds, but I am down with body fat and I am firming up. I had to go buy all new bras last week. And, of course, if I would stick to my training schedule on my "off" days and not eat a whole bunch of chocolate because I have PMS, that'd probably help.

It's funny. I'm the happiest I've been in ages, maybe my whole life. Oh sure, there are bumps in the road, like last night when I was feeling totally neglected. But it's not that feeling of neglect that has plagued the last year of my life. When a one-year "anniversary" went by with barely a peep, that's when I realized I was doing myself a great disservice by not moving on. So, I sucked it up and met a stranger at Applebee's for supper over a month ago. The rest, as they say, is history. I have this great little girl and wonderful man who appreciates me who have just lit up my life. Yeah, it's not ideal to be involved with a single dad, but at my age, everyone seems divorced with kids. And besides, how a dad treats his children tells you a lot about him. And what it tells me is that I'm very lucky to have these two people in my life, even though I didn't plan on just waking up with a two-year-old one day. At least I've mastered healthy chicken nuggets for supper!

And now, almost like it's a day late and a dollar short, someone else has woken up and said, "Oh, I've been neglecting Laura for months. Maybe I should pay attention to her." I just don't know what to say. It's not like I wanted to move on. In fact, that's the last thing I wanted in my whole life. This was a person I could see forever with, and he ignored me most of the time. I never felt good enough, and it wasn't enough. Maybe he just didn't know how to do the long-distance thing, maybe he did have someone better than me, too. Regardless, our relationship is probably way past its expiration date. Yes, I still care about him, but when I was up against the wall and felt like I had no choice but to go on with my life, I did. And I'm not going to hurt anyone else to go back to that cycle of rejection and loneliness that I foolishly called a "relationship" for several months.

Life is good. Except for the constant vibration of my cell phone today and not knowing what my response should be. Or if a response is even dignified at this point.

My reply ended up being: "I miss you too," which will always be true, I suspect.

posted by Laura at 10:32 AM