Does anybody read these?

Break

There's an old adage, "If you don't bitch, your head will explode." With that in mind, I need to take a little sanity break. It's not cool to cry at work anyhow.

I thought maybe things would be OK. I thought they'd be OK to the point that I bought a car yesterday. I don't know when I'll have time to take it back to the dealership, but I'm thinking it'll be going back before my three-day "buyer's remorse" period is up. I feel like it's the only option I have, because in no way, shape or form do I think anything will be OK anymore. In fact, considering the way I feel, I am not sure if I should go to lunch because I might not come back.

So, maybe the sanity break will help.

Or maybe, I'll run screaming from the building. It's looking like an appealing option right now.

Let me bring everyone up to speed, because I have been MIA lately. This thing I have called a life keeps getting in the way.

My boss at work has left. I liked her and I enjoyed working with her, so I am sad about that. But she got a great new opportunity and change is inevitible. All you get to choose is choose how you respond to change. I have chosen to be positive, work my ass off and continue to be a team player and hope that's enough. That's all I can do, really. I do a lot of work here, and I do my work well, so surely that has to count for something.

My co-worker has chosen to slam doors and sit in her office in a snit.

And I just can't deal. I cannot deal with negativity. I cannot deal with having an unpleasant work environment. It's not conducive to a team environment, and it's just totally unprofessional. And, I'm way too busy to figure out what I've done to burn her biscuits. I know you probably all think that I'm exaggerating, but I can just feel negative energy, distrust and general discontent seeping through the walls of my office from next door. It is dragging me down and upsetting me. It's beyond not cool to slam a door in a co-worker's face. I never even did that to skeevy Chris back in Detroit. Not even after forced me out of my job. I just don't operate that way. Unless I'm making a lot of phone calls or working on something where I can't be distracted, I don't even close my door. It's just not conducive to teamwork. There is just seriously nothing in my mind that I can think of that would cause me to slam a door in another person's face.

Nothing.

Not to mention that the reason I am sitting here and typing this is because slamming a door in someone's face says two things: 1) I'm not available and 2) I don't want to deal with you.

And I'm at a point in my work where I need her help. And I don't know what to do. Honest to God, I'll just leave the stuff on her desk at lunch time.

This is not how grown-ups work.

We also found out about our new boss today. He is highly qualified on the publications side of things. I wonder if he'll see the work I'm doing and think I'm a complete and total fraud. I have definitely been writing in PR for so long that I don't look like a "legitimate" journalist. And while I produce a magazine that all of our members like, magazine isn't really where my background lies. In fact, I changed my course catalog senior year so that I didn't have to take magazine production, mostly because it was really expensive and after five years of college, I just didn't want to think about spending hundreds of dollars at Kinko's to produce a magazine. Stupid reason now, but 10 years ago, it seemed brilliant.

This guy sounds great. But, of course, I doubt my skills and I worry that I'm not great. And if he is, he's sure to notice that. And there aren't any other jobs out there, believe me. I hadn't ever looked since I came here because I have always loved this job, but lately I just can't deal with people dragging me down. Especially when it is a person that I considered to be my friend, and now she slams doors and doesn't talk to me. That's not fair, and I don't appreciate it.

But, I'm a big, giant pussy who hates confrontation, so I'd rather tell y'all that my feelings are hurt and negative attitudes are degrading office morale and teamwork, rather than tell the person who's doing it.

Well, that and cry.

Yes, I'm 32 years old and I'm sitting in my office crying, mostly because this morning I thought everything would be OK, and now it's become painfully obvious that it's not going to be OK.

And I don't know what to do. I don't want to take my car back, but I know I can't work like this. I don't know what's pissed her off, and I don't know what I need to do to get her to stop slamming the door and walking around in that pissed-off way that eight-year-old kids do when they're throwing a temper tantrum.

What the hell was I thinking when I bought a new car? I need to just hunker down and have as few obligations as possible, because I have a feeling that everything's going to get worse before it gets better.

I have to get back to work. Maybe when I'm feeling better I'll tell you about Shelby's birthday party and how Chris took care of me this week when I was sick. Maybe I bought the car because I feel like someday the three of us could be some sort of family, but that's a stupid reason. I can't support three people on what I do make, and I sure as hell can't support three people on unemployment.

posted by Laura at 10:07 AM