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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Break

There's an old adage, "If you don't bitch, your head will explode." With that in mind, I need to take a little sanity break. It's not cool to cry at work anyhow.

I thought maybe things would be OK. I thought they'd be OK to the point that I bought a car yesterday. I don't know when I'll have time to take it back to the dealership, but I'm thinking it'll be going back before my three-day "buyer's remorse" period is up. I feel like it's the only option I have, because in no way, shape or form do I think anything will be OK anymore. In fact, considering the way I feel, I am not sure if I should go to lunch because I might not come back.

So, maybe the sanity break will help.

Or maybe, I'll run screaming from the building. It's looking like an appealing option right now.

Let me bring everyone up to speed, because I have been MIA lately. This thing I have called a life keeps getting in the way.

My boss at work has left. I liked her and I enjoyed working with her, so I am sad about that. But she got a great new opportunity and change is inevitible. All you get to choose is choose how you respond to change. I have chosen to be positive, work my ass off and continue to be a team player and hope that's enough. That's all I can do, really. I do a lot of work here, and I do my work well, so surely that has to count for something.

My co-worker has chosen to slam doors and sit in her office in a snit.

And I just can't deal. I cannot deal with negativity. I cannot deal with having an unpleasant work environment. It's not conducive to a team environment, and it's just totally unprofessional. And, I'm way too busy to figure out what I've done to burn her biscuits. I know you probably all think that I'm exaggerating, but I can just feel negative energy, distrust and general discontent seeping through the walls of my office from next door. It is dragging me down and upsetting me. It's beyond not cool to slam a door in a co-worker's face. I never even did that to skeevy Chris back in Detroit. Not even after forced me out of my job. I just don't operate that way. Unless I'm making a lot of phone calls or working on something where I can't be distracted, I don't even close my door. It's just not conducive to teamwork. There is just seriously nothing in my mind that I can think of that would cause me to slam a door in another person's face.

Nothing.

Not to mention that the reason I am sitting here and typing this is because slamming a door in someone's face says two things: 1) I'm not available and 2) I don't want to deal with you.

And I'm at a point in my work where I need her help. And I don't know what to do. Honest to God, I'll just leave the stuff on her desk at lunch time.

This is not how grown-ups work.

We also found out about our new boss today. He is highly qualified on the publications side of things. I wonder if he'll see the work I'm doing and think I'm a complete and total fraud. I have definitely been writing in PR for so long that I don't look like a "legitimate" journalist. And while I produce a magazine that all of our members like, magazine isn't really where my background lies. In fact, I changed my course catalog senior year so that I didn't have to take magazine production, mostly because it was really expensive and after five years of college, I just didn't want to think about spending hundreds of dollars at Kinko's to produce a magazine. Stupid reason now, but 10 years ago, it seemed brilliant.

This guy sounds great. But, of course, I doubt my skills and I worry that I'm not great. And if he is, he's sure to notice that. And there aren't any other jobs out there, believe me. I hadn't ever looked since I came here because I have always loved this job, but lately I just can't deal with people dragging me down. Especially when it is a person that I considered to be my friend, and now she slams doors and doesn't talk to me. That's not fair, and I don't appreciate it.

But, I'm a big, giant pussy who hates confrontation, so I'd rather tell y'all that my feelings are hurt and negative attitudes are degrading office morale and teamwork, rather than tell the person who's doing it.

Well, that and cry.

Yes, I'm 32 years old and I'm sitting in my office crying, mostly because this morning I thought everything would be OK, and now it's become painfully obvious that it's not going to be OK.

And I don't know what to do. I don't want to take my car back, but I know I can't work like this. I don't know what's pissed her off, and I don't know what I need to do to get her to stop slamming the door and walking around in that pissed-off way that eight-year-old kids do when they're throwing a temper tantrum.

What the hell was I thinking when I bought a new car? I need to just hunker down and have as few obligations as possible, because I have a feeling that everything's going to get worse before it gets better.

I have to get back to work. Maybe when I'm feeling better I'll tell you about Shelby's birthday party and how Chris took care of me this week when I was sick. Maybe I bought the car because I feel like someday the three of us could be some sort of family, but that's a stupid reason. I can't support three people on what I do make, and I sure as hell can't support three people on unemployment.

8 comment(s):

Well, Laura, I must say that you sound so like me a few years back., Until I got the balls to step up and act like the adult I expected the other person to be and confront the problem head on nothing was ever better.

Stand up for yourself. Say something like, " I realize I probably have done something to irritate you, that's obvious. I want to know what it was so we can fix it and continue to work together like adults." Put it on you so she will open up and she knows damn well she is acting like a baby so it will just reinforce the fact that you are the bigger person.

My 2 cents. You know that YOU have to make it work for YOU and screw her baby fit. Don't let it get you down . . . I know, easier said than done.

I know you have it in you!

By Blogger Sheri, at 2/25/2009 12:46 PM  

You have way more strength then you even know Laura.
I really know that.
There have been rougher times then this. You are an adult so you need to just talk to her like an adult and tell her to shit or get off the pot to paraphrase.
Sometimes it is hard to be the *itch in the situation but when you realize
Babe
In
Total
Charge
Herself...

Then being that is not always bad
Sometimes it is hard to understand peoples actions, when we know we would never act like that
jmho

By Anonymous Rosi, at 2/25/2009 3:37 PM  

Big surprise, I am going through the same thing at work with a person that I used to consider a close and dear friend. It has gotten worse with each passing day, so much in fact that it is at the point where my boss wants both of us to sit down and talk to the "resident" shrink, lol. The one thing that I have learned since October is that my door slams louder than hers and while we can be "cordial" over work stuff when required, the friendship bridge is one that will never be rebuilt and I am totally okay with it. You and I have spent many years hashing over the whole "bridge" thing, burn it girl and move on. One other thing, keep the car.....you deserve it.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2/25/2009 4:04 PM  

Maybe I was being hasty because she finally opened her door, and I overheard that in addition to someone moving her cheese at work, she's having some personal stuff. Still no excuse to take it out on innocent people. She did tell me later that she'd closed her door because she was listening to the radio. Closing I have no problem with, slamming in my face? There's the issue. We'll see how it works out. I need my job and I love my job, and I'm working to keep it. Simple as that. She can join me or be left behind, but I am going to drive my little white car here everyday and work my hiney off.

Cindy, I've still never burned a bridge or closed a door. At least not on my side... Anyhow, I think this new car might be able to find its way to Alabama, but we'll have to figure out what weekend we can do that. I also hope you like two year olds.

By Blogger Laura, at 2/25/2009 4:11 PM  

Don't you hate it when people pull the "personal stuff" card? Personal stuff needs to be left in the parking lot, not brought into the office.

Be still my heart, you never burned all those bridges I advised you to burn? Dang, I have been preaching to the choir and didn't even know it. Come on down anytime, I have nothing exciting planned until the beginning of May.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2/25/2009 4:37 PM  

I guess I should clarify. There are people who are no longer in my life due to my choosing. But I like to think that I just walked away and did not wish them any ill will. I'm sure the bridge is past repair, but I like to think I took the high road in the matter. Or at least I hope I did.

Don't tell me that you're going to see Elfie McElfster! LMAO!

By Blogger Laura, at 2/25/2009 4:40 PM  

Yes, actually he is coming to see me here and I had booked a trip to the beach so he decided to show up there as well. However, I am far more excited about seeing Mr. Urban in Huntsville and I guess "everybody" wants to see me this summer since Sugarland decided to show up in June, lol.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2/26/2009 6:02 PM  

Elfilicious showed up on my vacation too. I hid from him. It was easy with my gorgeous villa overlooking the sea and the white sand of Trunk Bay calling my name...

I can't believe I have to wait another year to go back.

By Blogger Laura, at 2/27/2009 8:01 AM  

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