Does anybody read these?

Tuesday, September 01, 2009


First of all, I decided I was starving last night and tried to eat. I thought Fruity Pebbles would be OK. I was wrong. I'll spare you the details, but I was painfully wrong.

So, I've given up on eating again. I think I've gone so long that my body is over it. I'm pretty fat, so I should be able to keep going for a while anyhow.

They say there are stages of grief. I've totally been in denial (he'll realize he hates Lisa and come back), and I'm definitely depressed, but mostly right now, I am angry.

I'm angry because I spent the last nine months picking up someone else's shit, only to have that person saunter back in with her lies and abuse and pick up where she left off.

I'm angry because I did everything I could to make sure that he and Shelby were happy and had the lives they deserved, and it doesn't even matter.

I'm sick of my best never being good enough. What the fuck am I supposed to do about that?

I'm angry because he is using his child as an excuse when he knows full well that she loves having me in her life and it's not fair to make me go away. He needs to just admit that despite her abuse and the fact that she is a class-A bitch, he will always love Lisa. She can do whatever she wants and get away with it for some unknown reason. It's sure not because she's pretty or nice.

I'm angry that promises and commitments to me mean NOTHING. I'm angry that I'm being pushed aside so someone else gets not a second chance, but a fifth, sixth, seventh chance.

I'm angry that I wouldn't ever dream of lying to him, and he is settling for someone who can't tell the truth.

I just want to be worth it, just one time. That's all it takes.

I'm trying to get over the anger before he comes to my house tonight. If he comes. He's stood me up so much lately, that I've just about given up on getting to tell him goodbye in person. I promised Wendell and Janice that I would not do this at their house, and I care about them and will not disrespect them.

I understand that he says he's confused. Believe me, no one is more confused than I am. I just don't know why you'd even have to think about it. How can you even compare a woman who has you arrested, kidnaps your child and is incapable of telling the truth to someone who would do anything for you and has been there for you during the darkest period of your life (caused by that woman)?

I guess he has to figure that out. It's really not my problem anymore.

1 comment(s):

I still love what you wrote and refered back to. I think somedays we all feel that way.

By Blogger Rosalie, at 9/12/2009 8:45 PM  

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