Does anybody read these?

When I'm 94...

The title of this post is a play on the Beatles' song, "When I'm 64," which is one of my favorite songs. The number 94 is symbolic, because today would be my grandma's 94th birthday if she were still alive.

My grandma was an amazing woman. She's been gone almost 28 years now, but I still remember her. She had amazing grace and an unbelievable relationship with God. She could teach us all about being strong in the face of adversity.

I wish I could say that she made me who I am. I guess in some ways she has, and the few years I spent with her will always make an impact on my life. But, no matter how hard I try, I will never be like she is. In some ways, that's OK because she's irreplaceable. In other ways, I think we should all try to be like my grandma.

I have been planning since I started NaBloPoMo to post about my grandmother on her birthday. I had no idea what the post would be like, but I wanted to talk about her. Because the older I get, the less we talk about her.

Today I got a glimpse of her courage and wisdom, and it reminded me that I need to find more grace and faith. I need to work a lot harder at it. My trials and tribulations are nothing compared to what she went through, and I can be so petty and I don't always put things in God's hands.

I suck at putting things in God's hands. I'm too much of a control freak. I hate that I am that way, and I need to work on having a little more grace. Just like today, I got at the end of my rope around here and I got bitchy and all I could think about was how to be a meaner person, so I could just take control of the situation.

Or, I could pray.

I know it sounds simple. I know it sounds silly to go to church and pray and read the Bible and just give all your problems to God. I know it probably seems naive in today's day and age.

But if my grandma worried, I never saw it. I might have seen her with a candle lit, with rosary beads or singing in the church choir, but I never saw her worry. In fact, when my dad almost died in the early 1970s, she just gave it up to God.

That's some grace, people. That's a kind of faith that not many people have.

It is the same faith my Aunt Rita had when she found out she was going to die from cancer. She made her peace with the Lord and went to heaven. She knew she was ready and would have God's rewards. My mom is the same way. If anything were to happen to her, she's confident enough in her faith to just get ready to go bewith the Lord. That's so amazing to me.

Sometimes it ticks me off that I don't stand up for myself, but I like to believe that I am being the bigger person by turning the other cheek. Still, I wonder if my Grandma were here today, what would she think of me.

So, today, on her 94th birthday, I am really going to try to be a better person. A better Catholic. A better Christian. In addition to What Would Jesus Do, maybe I should think about What Would Grandma Do, although I would bet they are the same about 99.999 percent of the time.

All of this reminds me of another song, which describes my Grandma so much better: "Amazing Grace."

Happy Birthday, Grandma. I miss you. You left us way too soon, but God must have needed you more in heaven. And I know you're still watching down on me and taking care of me, so if you could send some of your grace my way, that'd be great.

posted by Laura at 5:02 PM