I couldn't make this up...
I just read my horoscope for today. That pretty much sums it up.
Saturday, Aug 30th, 2008 -- You aren't too eager about sharing your feelings with others today. In fact, you could be uncharacteristically reclusive as the timid Virgo New Moon falls in your 4th House of Family. You are more likely to stay at home so you don't have to be around large groups of people. Don't fall into the trap of thinking there's something wrong just because you aren't very sociable now.
More on the funk...
I feel like I should clarify a few things --
First of all, my work trip went well for what it was. I didn't like riding in a van with all my co-workers, and I didn't like that my hotel room had twin beds (twin beds? for grown-ups?!), but I did enjoy myself. I got to hang out with co-workers that I normally don't get to see, my friend Jacquie came down from Knoxville for supper and we went to Bubba Gump's, which is the only chain restaurant I will visit on vacation. And the work part went really well, even though I was exhausted and grumpy by the time I got home.
So, now I'm home in my bigger bed, and I've been dealing with reality.
For some reason I've chosen to focus on a little spring cleaning around here. I'm not cleaning my closets; I'm cleaning out my heart. Apparently some friends were worried they had made the cut, but if you have enough conscience to worry about it, then you most likely have made the cut.
I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be surrounded by good people.
There are just some people in my life who aren't conducive to achieving all I deserve, so I'm just phasing them out. There will be no mean, nasty blogs. There will be no fights or tears. I'll just call less until I don't even notice they're missing. Not that it doesn't hurt, because it does. But at some point, you realize there is no point, you know?
But as for love, I'm not looking for it anytime soon. I need to take a little break from all that jazz. As much as I want to have a family and hate being alone, I'm not going to worry about it. I can't. It'll all work out if it's supposed to. But, for the time being, I cannot deal with tears. I cannot deal with someone saying he loves me when he wants something, but not saying anything when I tell him my grandma is sick and I am scared. Asshole. There's also the issue of him acting like he's ashamed of me, and frankly, he could do so much worse, so he should get over that shit.
Except he doesn't have to. Because I am reclaiming my dignity and being done with it. I'm sure all of his bullshit lately means that he's not the one God wants me to marry. Let's face it, none of us thought he'd spend all that money and time annulling the last marriage he rushed into.
Yeah, my grandma's sick, and that's probably the biggest thing that's making me nervous/scared/grumpy these days. Just pray, OK?
Everyone misses the funny stuff. I'm going to try to get more up here. I had to go to the driver's license bureau yesterday, so that should be good for a funny post.
But first, I need to take a shower and make some french toast and bacon...
Break
I may be taking a little break from posting here. I'm kind of over the Internet right now.
You see, I have been on a work trip since Saturday, and you had to pay for Internet at our hotel. And, for the first time in my life, I decided it wasn't worth the $8/day to lug my laptop and read all the bullshit that lives on the Internet.
I don't want to fight with assholes on message boards who need to be the center of attention. I don't want to be a mobster or take movie quizzes or read passive-aggressive jabs at me on bulletins on Myspace. It was also nice to realize that someone I greatly care about is so ashamed of being my friend that I'm not worthy to have my comments approved. Asshole.
But, mostly, I don't want people in my business right now. If I want you in my business, I have your phone number or email address and I will call you if there is business you need to know. If you don't get a call about my vacation or my love life or whatever else, it's none of your business. As of today, I'm putting everyone on a need-to-know basis, and frankly, I don't think anyone needs to know anything.
I'm just over it. I'm just over it all. I have my core group of friends, and maybe they'll read this and feel compelled to ask me what's going on. And maybe I'll stop being stubborn and realize I need friends right now, and I'll tell them... I'd like to think that's what will happen.
But I'm sick of people I don't know and/or have no place for in my life knowing my business. I'm sick of getting hurt over and over again by people whom I care about. I was fine for five whole days without this blog, e-mail, Myspace and all that other bullshit that keeps you from doing your work. Now I'm back and vacation is a mess and my friends aren't really my friends. I thought about deleting my Myspace, but it's really not Myspace's fault that people are assholes.
I've got a lot going on in my life, and the Internet just isn't on my radar screen right now.
Sad
Ohio -- and the nation, really -- lost a good friend yesterday.
R.I.P., good Congresswoman. You will be missed.
Go read all the
Cleveland Plain Dealer had to say about this remarkable woman, who died way too soon.
http://blog.cleveland.com/plaindealer/2008/08/hospital_confirms_us_rep_steph.html
Prayers
I don't know how many people outside of Ohio know Stephanie Tubbs Jones, but I have to ask you all -- Democrat or Republican -- to pray for her.
Stephanie was elected several years ago as Ohio's first black Congresswoman. She is from Cleveland, and she is a great lady. I was introduced to her by Governor Strickland back when he was in Congress with her. She even offered me a job in Washington after graduation from OU, but I chose to go back to Detroit instead.
Anyhow, today while she was driving in Cleveland, Rep. Tubbs Jones had a brain aneurysm and she's in the hospital. She's in bad shape. The doctors can't get to the aneurysm's location in her brain, and her mental capacity is limited right now. She needs big time prayers.
I don't think that illness is affected by party lines. I would hope Republicans feel sad that Elizabeth Edwards and Ted Kennedy have cancer, just like I shed tears when I heard of Tony Snow's passing. At least, that's my hope. Yes, Stephanie is a Democrat, but she's a good person, and she really needs us all in her corner right now.
It's official!
Well, my pocketbook is $400 lighter, and I'm broke and payday isn't officially until tomorrow, but I have booked my vacation to the lovely island of St. John.
Yes, less than three months from now, I will be sunning myself at Trunk Bay. I'm pretty sure there will be rum punch involved.
Where we're staying is up in the air, but we'll find somewhere if necessary. As someone on my travel forum today said: "Your motto should be: 'How can you be pissed off in Paradise?'" And yes, I truly feel that way. We might be sleeping in a Jeep Wrangler, but we'll be there, and that's all that's important.
I just want it to be nice, as it's Char's first trip. I'm not sure my company is enough.
Song of the day: "Two Tickets to Paradise" by Eddie Money.
And, I think it's time to start the Caribbean Countdown Photo of the Day again. This time, I'm only going to use photos from last year's trip.
Bon voyage!
I hope Ivan has my hammock waiting. Jimmy Buffet and I have a hot date!
Wow
I was something else in my tequila-induced stupor, wasn't I? I do recommend you find a senorita to share the margarita bucket, if you can. Or maybe a senor...that would've been nice.
Today has been a lazy day. I was up until almost 2 talking on the phone, and didn't wake up until almost 10. But I have to make my rum cake and get the pot roast ready, so I have to go get another pan. Plus, I need to clean up around the house, because my family will be here on the 17th. I'm so excited for people to see the house. It's not my house, but I've really felt like Polly Homemaker since I moved here. If I stay in Nashville, I might try to save up to buy one of these condos eventually. But, that's not the current plan...at least not today.
Well, as much as I'd like to watch "Flip this House" reruns and be lazy, I have to go run a few errands before I make supper. So, I should probably get going.
I just know I scare people with my crazy, drunk posts. I wanted to let you all know that I am A-OK. Every little thing is gonna be alright...
Song of the day: "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley.
Margaritas and senoritas
OK, I couldn't find any other senoritas, but I'm guessing that I don't need to save the margarita buckets in the freezer anymore. Nope, not at all. So I'm having a little liquid refreshment. Remarkably, they are still good, even though they've been in there almost six months. Six months... wow, that's a long time.
I thought things might be OK. Remember when there was a little bit of hope? I would say I'm all done, but then God knows someone might get bored one day and read this four months from now and hold it over my head even though I have already apologized.
I was talking to Jamie tonight. God, I miss her. I really wish that things would've worked out with her staying here, but I do love living all by myself except for maybe a day or so a month.
It's lonely though.
Oops,anyhow, I was talking to Jamie. When I think about everything going on, it really is best. It was going to happen eventually. And, I really have learned a lot about myself. I really do miss spending time with her, but I guess in the end my friendship just wasn't enough, and there's nothing I can do about that. Oh well.
I'm just tired and drunk. But the moral of the story is that I can eat fajitas all by myself, if that's how it has to be.
I'm alive
I just wanted to say that I'm not a bad person. When I hurt people, I do apologize for it, but I'm not going to sit around and continue to be crucified. I am so good to people I care about, and sometimes that causes me to get taken advantage of -- actually, lots of times.
I've gone through more heart ache than most people could ever imagine. A lot of it, people will never know about, and that's just fine.
Things change. People change. I like who I am right now, and I'm really looking forward to my future. I have lots of things to get in order, but when I do -- watch out.
I'm relatively happy, but sometimes my mind drifts to a place that it shouldn't. I really should be used to being blown off and excluded, and maybe even hated at this point. I know I'm not a bad person, and sometimes things happen and even if we don't realize it at that point, they're for the best... It's just hard when you invest so much time and so much love. Even right now, I have a gift that was never given, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I think I will probably just send it along with a little note. I never stopped caring about anyone else. I probably never will. Not when someone is such a big part of your life.
I need to just work on me for a while. I have a lot of things that I need to take care of over the next year or so, and it's all very exciting. It's also all very top-secret, but as soon as I feel like I can tell I probably will.
I'm doing OK. Life is actually pretty good. I have a lot to look forward to, so it's best to just leave the past in the past.
Song of the day: "I'm Alive" by Willie Nelson. I think that will always be one of my favorite songs...
Funkytown
I hurt my back over the weekend. It seems better now. I'm going to try to go to the gym at lunch.
I have been trying to eat well and work out, but I did get waylayed for a couple of days by the excruciating pain in my back.
I cooked all my farmer's market goodies over the weekend. I haven't made much progress on the eggs, but I think I'm going to whip up my famous low-fat rum cake...
... probably mostly because I need the booze. Luckily, my neighbors and I are having a Sex and the City party on Friday because Kay has never seen it. I'm in charge of Cosmos! Yay, my favorite task.
I wish I could grow a backbone. I really need to say what's on my mind, but I'm just content to let it go. I just don't see the point, as it hasn't helped before. Krista says I am never going to find the love of my life because I won't let anyone in and trust them enough. I trust someone. More than I trust myself. I just don't believe that relationships are supposed to hurt when someone loves you. Maybe I expect too much. I don't know.
Friendships. Loves. Lots of walking away and new beginnings lately. Lots of tears, and my little heart just keeps getting smaller and smaller. If only the rest of me would follow.
I just wish I could deal with my ghosts, but I have no idea where to start.
My island getaway is looking less and less like reality lately. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but much like everything else, I'm kind of over it and not 100-percent sure I care.
Ironically, when I went to the doctor last week I told her that I didn't feel depressed at all. And, really, I'm not depressed. I'm just having a really bad case of PMS this month, and everyone has decided to shit on me while it's happening. I should be used to it.
I'm dancing around the issues. I don't know who reads this anymore, and I'm sick and tired of people reading stuff here and getting pissed off about whatever... I just have to get some of this out before I curl up in bed and refuse to come out for days on end. I'm just in a funk. I wish I could get away for a while. I'd go to Ohio for my long weekend, but my mom is coming here halfway through it. Ironic. I can't wait to see my mom. I miss her, and I'm sure we'll have lots of fun.
I need to go to the gym. I could use a little endorphin boost right now.
Holy shit. None of this really makes sense. To think I call myself a writer. Well, it's my blog and my disjointed thoughts. I guess if you don't like that, I don't really care.
In the essence of fairness
Wal-mart issued a response. I'm way more "fair and balanced" than Fox News, so I'll post it here too.
My co-worker says she appreciates my Wal-mart protest, but that if I knew about the backroom dealings at any other retailer, I would probably not want to shop there either. Kroger was anti-union at one point. Our Kroger in Flat Rock closed when I was younger rather than let their employees unionize. And some of the things happening in Toyland really turn me off. Big business is just that. And those plums that were 98 cents a pound looked really good. And where else do you get swim suits at 1 a.m. My new one is HOTTTT, by the way. I can't wait to have the boys at Woody's buy me drinks.
OK, where was I? Oh yes, Wal-mart. They say they hate unions, but they aren't campaigning against Obama. Or something like that. Read on, if you are so inclined...
Wal-Mart denies that it told employees how to vote By CHUCK BARTELS AND ANNE D'INNOCENZIO, AP Business Writers
1 hour, 16 minutes ago
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the world's largest retailer, denied a report Friday that it had pressured employees to vote against Democrats in November because of worries that a bill the party supports would make it easier for workers to unionize.
The measure, called the Employee Free Choice Act, would allow labor organizations to unionize workplaces without secret ballot elections. It was co-sponsored by Barack Obama, the presumed Democratic presidential candidate, and opposed by John McCain, the presumed Republican nominee.
A report in The Wall Street Journal said the Bentonville, Ark.-based discounter — which has rigorously resisted being unionized — had held mandatory meetings with store managers and department supervisors in recent weeks to warn that if Democrats take power in November, they would likely push through the bill, which the company says would hurt workers.
Wal-Mart spokesman Dave Tovar told The Associated Press that the company did discuss the bill with its employees, including what it sees as the negative impact, and noted that the company's stand on the legislation is no secret.
"We believe the Employee Free Choice Act is a bad bill and we have been on the record as opposed to it," he said.
But he said the company wasn't advocating that its employees vote against backers of the legislation.
"If anyone representing Wal-Mart gave the impression... they are wrong and acting without approval," said Tovar. In fact, he said that Wal-Mart has been working with both Republicans and Democrats.
"Half of our (political action committee) contributions are to members of each party," Tovar said. "We regularly educate our associates on issues which impact our company, and this is an example of that."
The Wall Street Journal cited about a dozen unidentified Wal-Mart employees who had attended such meetings in seven states as saying they were told that employees at unionized shops would have to pay big union dues while not receiving any benefits in return.
Furthermore, workers said they were told that unionization would mean job losses as costs rise, according to the report. The report said the Wal-Mart human resource managers who held the meetings didn't specifically tell the employees how to vote, but made it clear that a Obama victory would mean unionization.
Wal-Mart Watch, a union-backed group that has criticized the company for what it calls skimpy pay and benefits and poor treatment of its workers, said in a statement that the article "demonstrates once again that Wal-Mart intimidates its workers." The group, which supplied some of the sources to The Wall Street Journal, said the stories cited in the article are "consistent" with numerous reports it has received in the past week.
The development deals a blow to Wal-Mart's reputation just as the company has started seeing its image improve and criticism diminish as it works to improve benefits and push through its "Save money, live better" campaign.
In a session with reporters after the company's annual shareholders meeting in June, Wal-Mart President and CEO Lee Scott said Wal-Mart was comfortable working with either presidential candidate. In the past, Wal-Mart had lined up with the Republicans. But the company's message of environmental sustainability, its program to offer $4 prescription drugs and improved benefits for workers helped move the company to the political center.
"We stand ready to work with the new Congress and whoever is elected (president)," Tovar said Friday.
Hello, Target!
Not that little ol' me not shopping at the world's largest store is going to change anything, but if more people realized that we need to join forces and tell Walmart that how they treat their workers is unacceptable, the world would be a better place.
But we won't. Because then where would we get flip-flops for $1.94?
The economy sucks ass. I was just thinking yesterday, when I went to Walmart to get something that they don't have anywhere else that I can tell, that I could save a lot of money if I abandoned Target and Kroger and went to Walmart. But then I read things like this.
Walmart is the reason the economy is in the tank. Companies like this that erode unions and treat their employees badly are the reason that companies who treat their employees very well are having to close plants.
I'm not going back there. It's just not worth it.
And notice I didn't even talk about what they do to mom and pop stores...
(P.S. I'm really glad that Toyland didn't do something like this when I was a department manager. It's just not appropriate.)
Wal-Mart mobilizes against Democrats: report 1 hour, 59 minutes ago
(Reuters) - Wal-Mart Stores Inc is mobilizing U.S. store managers to lobby against Democrats in November's presidential election, fearing they will make it easier for workers to unionize, The Wall Street Journal reported on Friday.
In recent weeks, thousands of Wal-Mart managers and department heads have been summoned to mandatory meetings at which the retailer stresses the downside for workers if store workers unionize, the paper said.
About a dozen employees who attended meetings in seven states said executives stressed employees would have to pay hefty union dues and get nothing in return, and might have to go on strike without compensation, and warned that unionization could force the company to cut jobs as labor costs rise, the Journal reported.
The Wal-Mart human-resources managers who have run the meetings didn't tell those attending how to vote in the November elections, but made it clear that voting for the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, Sen. Barack Obama, would be tantamount to inviting unions in, the Journals said.
Wal-Mart could not be reached immediately for a comment.
