Does anybody read these?

Sunday, July 30, 2006

When I get a job...

Here's a list of the first things I am going to do when I get a job. It sucks not having money.

1. Splurge on buying a new tube of cleaner for my face -- $4.50.

2. Buy new bras. The bad thing about buying them all at once is they all wear out at once.

3. Get my hair done.

4. Take my roommates on celebratory dinner to one of my favorite restaurants in town. At this point, it could even be Whitt's. I miss barbecue.

5. Buy stools for the breakfast bar in the kitchen.

6. Go to Ohio to visit my family. Gas is soooo expensive. This roadtripper's wings have been clipped. :(

That's just a list of things I keep thinking about doing, then I realize I have no money and move on to something new.

Real post to follow soon...

I am finally getting tired. It's been an interesting day.

We met our new roommate who'll move in when Emily leaves. I have my fingers crossed that I am still here when this happens. It's a guy, which might be kind of weird except that he is not bad at all. He's from Cleveland, so that's kind of funny. Except he likes Ohio State, but not everyone can have good taste. (Speaking of OSU, someone remind me to post a cute picture of baby Reiston when I am not exhausted.)

Tomorrow I have to clean around the house and get some stuff in order before the weekend's over. I was very busy last week working two jobs, but unfortunately it's going to be reality for a while, I think...

I really want this job I'm interviewing for on Monday. I'd love to get it. I've also got some great leads, so something will appear very soon. I am a perfect candidate for Monday's job, so let's all send a heads-up to the Big Guy in Heaven so He'll make sure that the hiring folks know that. However, if not, I have a few other options and I'll put a request in for those too.

Song of the day today is "If You're Going Through Hell" by Rodney Atkins. It's a great song, and it's probably a perfect song for a lot of folks these days. A few months ago, I met one of the folks who wrote it. She's a great gal, and I'm glad that it's been such a huge hit for both her and Rodney.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Power of positive thinking...

I need a job.

I would very much like to get the job for which I am interviewing on Monday.

I will nail the interview. They will love me. I will get the job and live happily ever-after...

I would appreciate all your prayers and warm fuzzy feelings. It's time for me to get back to the journalism world. I've missed it, and I can't wait.

I know that they won't be disappointed if they take a chance with me.


I'm way tired and I have a busy day tomorrow. I have another fun-filled day of hanging up on people and watching paint dry at my temp job. Then after that I go across the street to my real part-time job.

Anyhow, I heard back from a nifty job that I will not be getting but that's OK. I am staying positive. It was not the right fit.

I met with the lady I'm supposed to be doing some fundraising consulting with. It will definitely be a challenge, and I don't foresee making any money any time soon. And before Gini posts and tells me I'm not positive (I love you; you know that, right?), I will just say that most people have no idea what it takes to start a new organization. It is hard and you need to stay focused. Do a little and do it well. And these folks are all over the map. I'm not sure what their mission is because they want to do everything. They have lofty fundraising goals, that I'd definitely put in a five-year plan. They can't all happen before Halloween unless you half-ass them and there's no point in a new organization doing that unless you want to be seen as flightly, half-assing people with a mission that's all over the charts. But nothing's impossible. So, we'll call that a challenge. Wow.

I have some very good job leads, and I fully intend to nail this interview on Monday. If anyone can talk about rural issues and media relations, that'd be me. I have a good feeling about this job. Probably the best one I've had so far. It's nonprofit. It's WRITING and media relations. It's not fundraising. After today I realized that I could better the gifts God's given me if I avoid fundraising as a career. Although I did apply today to be a Grantwriter. Key word: WRITER.

Will keep you posted. The greatest job ever is just waiting for me to come find it!

Monday, July 24, 2006

At least I won't be homeless...I think.

OK, I started my temp job. It sucks ass. Let me see what I can tell y'all about it.

First of all, it's in Cool Springs. Now I realize some of my readers may not know where Cool Springs is, so I am including a map to help orient you.

That fat orange-yellow line on the right side of the screen is I-65. It runs from the top of Indiana to the bottom of Alabama. Cool Springs is on the border of Brentwood and Franklin. So close, in fact, that on my way to work I see the "Welcome to Franklin, TN" sign and then I turn right and I'm back in Brentwood. It's a very nice neighborhood. There's a great mall and all kinds of other shops that I'm sure would be great if I had money.

Oh, but the job. Wow. I don't even know where to start.

That's a lie.

I'll start with the fact that they are remodeling the office. There is nowhere to put my lunch, not that I would've found a fork had I been able to put it in a fridge. But the worst part? I am supposed to be answering phones, right? Well, because they are remodeling, people keep moving from office to office. So basically I can NEVER find anyone when they have a call. They love intercom. I hate intercom. And the lady who's supervising me? She trusts no one. Seriously, she told me to hang up on telemarketers and then everyone else goes into voice mail. Of course, this lady called with some "emergency" today and I can't help her and she doesn't want voice mail, so too damn bad for her.

Anyhow, it sucks. Thank god it's only for three more days. But I'm so paranoid about getting reassigned again that I'm so clenched up it's not funny. And, of course, I don't even think I could afford a massage at the massage school.

Speaking of jobs, I still haven't heard back about that interview I went on last week. I had thought it'd be a perfect position, so I'm a bit bummed about that. I still have some hope, but I think it's time to keep looking.

I got a part-time offer today, but it is not enough to keep me fed with a roof over my head. It'll be a good start for now, I think. We'll see. I still have at least one, maybe two, interview on my schedule.

I'm just sick of being poor. I'm sick of being worried about how everything's going to turn out. I'm sick of being so stressed out. And I'm sick of crying about it.

I know I'm supposed to be here, and I just wish that God would help me figure out what exactly I am supposed to be doing with my life. I feel like I am right back where I started.

My world map...

In the next year and some change, I am supposed to go to Istanbul and the Caribbean, so I hope this is still around when I get back...

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

My latest email to the bastards at Bally...

Bally seems to feel the urge to charge me some additional finance charges. I'm waiting patiently on the detailed invoice. We'll see...

I have plenty to tell you all about today, but this email was too fun to not share.

So, this is my latest email to the bastards at Bally's.

That still doesn't explain why you're taking membership dues out of my bank account on a cancelled account. I know that I pay for the month in advance (or at least that's what I've been told by customer service in the past) so if my membership was cancelled July 3, you shouldn't have debited monthly dues on July 17.

I have been doing research on your company. I know that you have many, many complaints for these kinds of practices. I am not going to be like everyone else and cancel my bank account to get you to stop. You should just do it because what you're doing is illegal and a really bad way to do business.

I'm still waiting patiently for the $40.43 for July to be credited to my account. I'm also going to be sending an affadavit to Visa...

Sunday, July 23, 2006

I'm surprised she didn't tag me...

I'm a little sad. One4JC always tags me, so imagine when I went to her bloggy blog and there was a new meme and no tag for me. True, she didn't tag anyone and the last couple of times I've been too tired/insane/busy to do them anyhow.

But this seems fun, so I will try.

5 Things in my freezer:

1. Low-fat ice cream
2. Lean cuisines
3. The coffee I just opened this morning
4. Frozen veggies
5. Coconut rum

5 Things in my car:

1. A huge stack of CDs in varying conditions
2. A quilt my mom made for me
3. tailgate supplies -- plastic shot glasses, drink umbrellas, those damn cups
4. autographs from the last three concerts I went to
5. A container of Bath & Body Works anti-bacterial wipes
(and before anyone else asks what I'm NOT mentioning, I cleaned my car out. So there.)

5 Things in my Closet:

1. Clothes
2. Shoes
3. a laundry basket with dirty clothes in it
4. hangers
5. a cardboard box
(I am by no means moved in yet!)

5 Things in my Handbag (purse):

1. Wallet
2. Sunglasses
3. Sugar-free pina colada gum
4. My wristband from the sandbar
5. lip balm with sunscreen -- right now it's from bath & body works, but sometimes it's chapstick.

I'll probably get sued for this...

I use my blog for good. If one person reads this and heeds my advice, it'd be worth it. It just seems fair. And besides, I really don't think certain people want to screw with me.

Back when I was really serious about losing weight, I joined the gym. Curves is not really a gym. The Y was inconvenient. The other gym in town was way too expensive.

So that left Bally Total Fitness.

And I bet you know where I'm going with this. I heard all the Bally's stories. I knew. But it was really the only option. It was a great deal and I honestly was fitter than I'd ever been in my life. So, at the time it was worth it. It was an expense that I felt was necessary, so I made it happen.

When I moved to Ohio, there was no Bally's but I knew I wasn't staying there indefinitely. So, I kept paying figuring that it'd be easier than trying to cancel and getting something else later. I know it's not easy to cancel your Bally's membership.

Only a few months ago, I found out there was no Bally's in Nashville. Can you believe that? They wanted me to go to the Knoxville club, but that's a bit inconvenient. So, I told them I'd make a one-time payment on my credit card to clear up my fees and send them what they needed to close out my account.

Maybe it got lost in the mail, but I'm beginning to suspect that really they are just big fuckers who like to steal people's money. Because after that one-time payment on my credit card, they kept charging my bank account for fees for an account that was supposed to be canceled.

After months of this, I finally talked to a chap who gave me a new list of things to do to cancel my account, all of which I did. And allegedly my account was closed July 3. Not exactly sure why they are still charging my account on July 17, but regardless I am running out of money and I am beyond pissed that these jerks would steal money from me. Not that it's really a big surprise, but still...

And I refuse to be like EVERYONE else who's ever worked out at Bally's and cancel my bank account to stop them. That's not fair to me. It's not fair to all the folks who legitimately get paid from my bank account.

Anyhow, who knows how this story will end. But seriously people, you'd rather be fat than sign a contract with these folks. I wouldn't ever work out there again. I wouldn't recommend their club to my worst enemy. They are assholes and they have very shitty business practices. I wish I would've had more options in Detroit. I wish the second I'd moved to Ohio I would've told them to shove their gym membership up their ass. Because now here I am with no job and I'm trying to fight with them over them taking $40 I don't have and they aren't entitled to.

A friend of mine manages a credit union and she says I need to contact my bank tomorrow and file an affadavit of fraudulent activity against them, which I intend to do. I also intend to tell everyone who'll listen to not do business with them. They just don't have any rights to screw people over the way they do.

But honestly, I should've just canceled my bank card like anyone else would do. So once again I get screwed over for trying to do the right thing and standing up for myself.

Sometimes I wonder if it ever ends...

People want updates?!?

So, people tell me y'all want updates. Here's the Readers Digest version.

I had a good interview Friday. She loved me. The problem? She's really looking for someone full-time and doesn't quite know how to pay me yet. (Where do I find these people, really?) So, I'm seeing if there's a way to make that happen. We will see. But I liked her, I believe in what she's doing and I'll see if I can help her out.

I am still waiting to hear back on a second interview for the job I really wanted. When I arrived there, she was interviewing 10 people for two positions, so I thought I'd at least get called back for the second interview. I am hoping no news is good news, but is no news ever really good news?

Whatever's supposed to happen will happen.

Oh, and I do have four days (I hope!) of temp work this week. And I will have an interview for a part-time job that I think would be fun. I will keep you posted.

Now I am off to clean out my new coffee pot since I have to be in Franklin (near Cool Springs, for those who might be confused. Will that ever get old? Really?) by 8 a.m. and that's not happening without a big old travel mug of Joe.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

I should know better...

I've been following this whole stem-cell research issue, but I'm sure there's so much that none of us really know. It's controversial and there really isn't a right answer, is there?

So, apparently as a Catholic I'm supposed to be opposed to stem-cell research. The church has two issues: 1) The Church rarely likes when humans "play God" and 2) The Church believes that using embryos for stem-cell research is akin to abortion. Except that no one is "stealing" stem cells from happily pregnant women to play evil scientist. They are using fetuses that were already aborted (that kind of makes the best of an awful situation, doesn't it?) , fetuses from IVF that will never be implanted and they're using umbilical cord blood, which is rich in stem cells and doesn't involve "killing" a baby.

I want to take a second here to say that I am not for abortion. I wouldn't have an abortion. I believe that abortion is morally wrong. That is my personal belief. That being said, I am well-aware that not everyone believes like I do. And I've never been one for saying it's my way or the highway. For some people, abortion seems like their only option. Because of that, I believe that we need to keep that option safe and legal for those who feel like they have no other way out. And, of course, it'd be nifty if we could educate people before they got to the point where they had to consider abortion.

So, if people are going to keep having abortions, why not let some good come from it.

But regardless, you can use umbilical cords from any baby. I don't know a lot that a lot of people know that, so they don't think to donate them when they have a baby. And while those aren't the best stem cells, they can be used. But everyone in this country is so afraid of stem-cell research because people are using it for their own politcal agendas.

I got into the stem cell debate when I worked with paralyzed veterans. I have seen some of the research. One day they're going to use stem cells and fuse them into people's spinal cords, and those people are going to walk again. It's going to happen, assuming that the United States allows it. It's already happening in other countries where the government isn't against the research.

But the stem cell debate hit a lot closer to home than when I was working at PVA. I haven't ever mentioned my dad's eye disease before here.

My dad is legally blind. He has a disease called retinitis pigmentosa. The rest of my dad's eye is fine, but his retina is deteriorating. He started losing his peripheral vision several years ago and today he can only see what is right in front of his face. It's hard for him. It's frustrating for all of us, because I hate to see him struggle so much.

RP is genetic, and I've had a few doctors tell me that I probably have it, too. Other doctors say I don't. Because you can't fix it, I see no point in finding out that I have it at this point. For the most part I see OK. Yeah, sometimes I bump into people and my depth perception sometimes sucks, both warning signs. So yeah, it worries me. I've also had doctors tell me that I shouldn't have children because I carry the gene and my kids would probably have it. It's really scary.

And this is why this very Catholic woman supports stem-cell research no matter what.

They have been doing research on if stem cells can regenerate retinal cells. They have taken stem cells and injected them into the retinas of lab mice and they are slowing and curing this disease. That is amazing. That makes it a little less scary. If this country would get on the ball and not be so scared of stem cells, then maybe my dad could see a little bit better. Maybe I will never go blind. Maybe my kids will have a fair chance. Maybe I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not I should even have kids.

I think God gives scientists the knowledge they need to cure diseases. And I think that if we have that knowledge and don't do anything about it, then that's what's morally reprehensible.

Friday, July 21, 2006


I'm wide awake. It's after 2 a.m. I'm not tired at all.

Yet, I really have nothing to say. Not a very exciting day. I had a job interview today that I thought went extremely well. Hopefully something permanant will arrive soon. AND the temp agency called me to do some true temp work but because I had the interview I was unable to take them up on it.

I went and saw Nashville Star winner Chris Young. He was pretty good. Might put a review up on my other blog. I have been neglecting that site and if I did more with it I could use it as an example of my attempt to be a legitimate writer. Anyhow, Chris is a sweet guy. And even when they work on it, the service at Dave & Buster's blows.

I really want to go honky-tonkin' this weekend, but have yet to locate a partner in crime...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Same $#@*, different day...

So, today I woke up at 10:30 a.m. ONLY because Carol knocked on my door seeking my assistance. I had to take allergy meds, and I was so wonked out that I had some crazy dreams going on. Crazy. There were two different ones. (The second one was after my 6:52 pee break. I think maybe my body got used to being up then. Tough shit.) Some days I hate that my dreams are so vivid. Many nights it's like I'm watching a little movie.

My mom mailed my portfolio from Ohio for my interview tomorrow. Only I realized that A LOT of the things that I really need to be in there are not. I am going to wing it tomorrow. However, I am wondering if I should venture up to Ohio this weekend and get the other stuff I need. It's not a bad portfolio with the few additions that I can make, but some great pieces that I did aren't in it. I am not sure if it will impress the woman who's interviewing me tomorrow or not. We'll see... I'm just not sure I can scrape up gas money to get to Ohio anytime soon.

The temp agency called me today, and we had a little heart to heart about my career goals and I'm not sure I will hear from them anytime soon. That is not good, considering that I am going to be out of money in like a week. Apparently because I do aspire to do more than answer my phones at some point in my life, it will be harder to place me. I don't mind doing admin work, but honestly I won't be doing it forever.

I had a good phone interview today, but that job won't start until September if I get called back in for another interview. I'm just starting to get very frustrated and panicky. I'm sure something will come along soon. I have my fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I guess I will just cross my fingers that no one notices that my portfolio sucks tomorrow. It doesn't suck. I'm a good writer. It just looks like I've been living in a vortex for the last three years. But honestly, I kind of have. That's why I've been looking for a new job, right?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Oh, the drama!

So, I didn't post yesterday, even though I had a new job to tell everyone about. I was tired after a long day of working, running errands, etc. and just didn't get to it. I don't care how early you go to bed, 6:30 a.m. always sucks. Especially if you get up to get ready for work and your roommate's boyfriend is taking the longest shower ever.

But you all want to know about my job. It was not a bad job. It was at this office and everyone was really nice and it wasn't hard work and I enjoyed it. They weren't that busy so I got caught up on my leisure reading because I didn't know if they'd monitor my Internet usage and I didn't want to get in trouble even though I had nothing better to do. It was a slow week, so it was good for training.

Did y'all notice that I used the past tense in that paragraph describing my new job? Wanna know why?

Because they let me go because I was too good.

No seriously, a person couldn't make this shit up.

I answered all the phones, and I thought it was quite odd that the temp agency I am working for (and another temp agency) called several times today. I sent Amy a text while no one was looking that said, "I think I am getting sacked."

But surely I couldn't be. I wasn't as good on the phones as I wanted to be, but I was getting all my work done quickly. I was nice. Everyone loved me.

So, I figured the temp agency was just checking in on me and forgot about it.

At the end of the day, my supervisor came to my desk and told me that they loved me. I was talented and friendly and I learned more quickly than anyone who'd ever had the job and that I was doing a great job.

And that was why they were letting me go.

You see, they feared (and rightly so, but I wasn't letting them in on this) that I would take my great talents, personality and work ethic and head off to a bigger and better job. They figured I'd be bored to death doing the same mundane administrative tasks everyday and they didn't want to hold me back professionally.

Who the fuck gets fired for being too qualified, too good at their job? I should've totally made personal calls and looked at porn on the Internet and I wouldn't be back to where I was a week ago, which is freaking out about the fact that I am unemployed and only have $150 coming to me on next week's pay check. Oops, $150 BEFORE taxes. All of a sudden, it's back to the spin cycle of totally freaking out that I spent $6 at Sonic for lunch. Great.

On the plus side, I had an absolutely fantastic interview today, and I'm sure that I'll get a second interview next week. She's hoping to make an offer by next Friday. Ironically, it was at that same agency where I had the AWFUL interview in January. However, this woman is new. We got along great, and I think we'd work well together. We have very similar backgrounds. And apparently I do still have an honest day's work and a great work ethic in me. And she didn't make that sad face when I told her how much money I need. That's always a good sign. It's also 1.8 miles from my house, which would be very handy. I might even walk to work once in a while if I worked there. (Not today. It was hotter than a bitch today.)

I couldn't help but think today -- without putting the cart before the horse, of course -- that maybe this is the job. She'd be a great boss. It's really the best part of my old jobs in a new, more focused position. And I have felt like since the debacle in January that God was pulling me toward that agency.

And this lady is the head honcho, so if the HR lady still hates me that's not necessarily a bad thing.

If it's not the right job, I have other things in the hopper. I had two emails and a call about jobs today. I have two more interviews coming up. The temp agency thinks they can get me a new admin gig, at which I plan to be completely right on par and not excel in any way, shape or form.
So, even though today sucked because I totally was digging my temp job and loving all the people (plus we were going to have a picnic with barbecue on friday!), things still aren't hopeless.

Ask me again next week.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

No really...

First of all, I spent some time looking around my sitemeter today. I hadn't really been there for a while and I learned a lot about my recent visitors. Maybe once I get some money I will splurge for the fancy-schmancy version so I can learn even more. I'm kind of fascinated about what compels folks to visit my blog.

So, I have to go back to work tomorrow. That should be interesting. I am just sitting here thinking that it's getting kind of late and I should probably hit the hay soon. It's not even 9 p.m. and I'm a total night-owl (like you haven't noticed), but here I sit contemplating going to bed because I have to be up at 6:30 a.m., and I honestly could not tell you the last time I was up at 6:30...

Lastly, I don't think that I'm going to be posting pictures everyday because frankly it was tedious looking for them and trying to remember which ones I'd already posted. But I am pretty excited that we finally talked to the travel agent and we're definitely going on our trip next year. It's going to be a lot of fun. I think folks would like to go sooner, but I know that it's going to be at least a year before I have vacation time. I still haven't figured out what to do about Lance's wedding yet, either. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

I was going to make some more smart-ass comments about make-believe, but frankly I'm over being funny for today. But maybe if we're lucky while we're down there we too can go deep-sea fishing with Uncle Kracker. (OK, I guess it's not completely out of my system, although I was much nicer than I could've been. I guess that's the theme of the day!)

Birthday presents...

This message is brought to you by the fine men and women who make Excedrin Migraine. Seriously, it's a complete and total lifesaver.

This year I got some awesome birthday presents. I got Kid Rock's Live Trucker CD, which was awesome because you know I used to live where you could only buy CDs at Walmart, and Kid Rock CDs from Walmart are NO fun. Seriously, Cowboy just isn't the same without the f-word. (Right, Matt? Ha ha.) Denise made me an awesome suncatcher. Every gift I've got has been great.

But there were a few that really stood out in my head, and I wanted to tell you about them because they were really cool. I truly appreciate gifts that folks put a lot of thought into or remember something I told them once randomly. (Except for the time my brother gave me a cat because I mentioned that they were cute and nice to have around. Do you know how much cats cost?)

One gift that I got might possibly be a gift for all of you, too. (As if you're not all sitting at home wishing I'd shut the hell up...) Toma got me this totally awesome book called The Writer's Block. It's a little square book that has all kinds of different ideas on how to jumpstart your writing when you're stuck. There have been plenty of times I could use something like that. It also has lots of great commentary on writing from folks like Mark Twain, Kurt Vonnegut and many other highly successful writers.

The second gift was a paraffin wax bath. Most of you know that I am a big fan of manicures and I've had a lot of trouble finding someone who does them the way I used to get them at Aveda. I tried to convince my girl in Ohio to buy herself a wax bath, but I think she thought I was bonkers. Seriously, people would be all about manicures if she had one. Anyhow, imagine when I got this present last weekend. (Yes, I know my birthday was in May; she was afraid to ship it here.) I haven't had time to use it yet, but I'm seeing lots of soft hands in my future.

She also gave me another present that really required so much thought and effort that I was speechless when I opened it. Seriously, that rarely happens, folks. For a friend to remember an event that was significant in my life and give me a memento from that evening that I could not have gotten for myself was astounding. (Oh, and it's good for whiskey too, which is ALWAYS a plus. Yay, whiskey!!!)

Anyhow, I am blessed to have such wonderful friends. So many people have been there for me in my life, and I'm not sure that I could ever repay them. Of course, real friends don't ever expect you to repay them. They love you unconditionally.

Seriously, though. Isn't that Writer's Block the coolest thing you've ever seen. And manicures for free!!!! Wooheee!!!! Perfect for a poor person.

Oh great. A migraine.

I don't even think I've had a real migraine since I got here to Tennessee. All things considered, my stress level is through the roof. I hopped online to send a couple of resumes out, but the left side of my head is THROBBING, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to puke soon.

So, I'm taking some meds and going back to bed. I feel pretty lazy, considering I got up after 11 and haven't made it two hours. But I know the drill when Mr. Migraine comes to town.

I still have a few things in the cooker. After I get a little rest and my head doesn't feel like I went a few rounds with Joe Louis, then I'll get to work on stuff. The folks reading my book will be happy; I'm feeling very inspired today...

OK, so maybe I do want to write...

I can't sleep. I watched my movies and came in my room at about midnight to go to bed. I was pretty tired then, but now I'm wide awake.

I'm not rehashing all the details, but I had a conversation that stressed me out a little. Actually the conversation itself was pretty much a non-event, except that it wasted 45 minutes of my life I can never get back. It was pretty much one of those chit-chats where the person knew what they wanted me to say before they ever even said hello. Since I had no inclination to say what they wanted to hear, and they did not want to hear what I had to say, then the conversation was pretty pointless. And besides, sometimes things aren't anyone else's business anyhow.

But that's enough of that. It isn't even worth getting my carpal tunnel all flared up over.

I didn't have a hideous week last week. I got a fake job with several prospects for a real job. I watched two really good movies and had an ice cream sundae today.

I just feel like I am at this huge crossroads in my life. About everything. I'm not sure I like it. I'm not sure which paths I'm supposed to pick. There's so much running through my head, and I just didn't need one more disturbance. Does that make sense?

I love writing, and this blog has honestly been a Godsend to me. I think it's spared me more than one ulcer to have a creative outlet. But honestly, it has its downside too. I've struggled with what to do about that, and I've yet to find a solution.

There are just big gaps in the story because there are some things for which I don't want an audience. And frankly there are a few folks in my audience that I secretly hope would get electrocuted by their computers when they come here to visit. (If you have to ask me, then no, it's not you!) I've never been anonymous here. I've never felt like I had to be. Ironically I just can't create a fake identity for myself of any type -- no matter how hard I try. I am what I am, and folks should take that at face-value.

Anyhow, I guess what I'm going around and around to get back to is that I'm at this crossroads, and I'm not sure what that means. I suspect that it could mean spending less time on the Internet, which means that I might not be so talkative here for a while. Or maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and decide I need to blog nonstop to be productive and get my mind off all the shit that currently resides there.

Sometimes I wish that I were a liar; that I did have a problem with reality and live in a land of make-believe. If I did, I'd just make believe that life were all hunky-dory and go on with some great kind of tale. I'm sure it'd be a lot more interesting than the shit that I subject y'all to. Really, though, I wouldn't even know where to start.


I came here to write all kinds of stuff, but now I've gone and changed my mind.

Maybe tomorrow will be better...

UPDATE: In a slight twist of irony, did anyone else notice the word of the day is nefarious?

Oh, and I'm thinking that I probably need to go to church tomorrow, but that would really throw a wrench in my plans to stay in bed for a week wallowing in self-pity.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Exciting Evening Plans...

I'm a winner, I'll tell you. After last week's excitement, you'd think I'd have SOMETHING to do this weekend. After all, it's my last week of freedom before I have to start work Monday.

Anyhow, I went to Blockbuster and picked up two movies.

Then I went to Kroger and bought the stuff to make ice cream sundaes. I wanted Sander's hot fudge, but they only had the bittersweet kind left. But I did get Frog Ranch salsa. Some comforts from my former homes...

I had to buy a coffee pot today, but I got a great deal on a stainless steel programmable one. My roommate has a French press, but honestly that's way too much work for me. I'm the kind of girl who flips the switch and lets the coffee brew while I'm in the shower in the morning. And if I don't have coffee, I'm never going to get to work by 8 a.m. -- 8 a.m.!!! -- everyday. That's early for me.

Life is starting to look up, and I'm very excited about that. My mom's coming to visit in a couple of weeks. She's going with some friends to N'awlins and I pointed out that NashVegas is exactly half-way between home and The Big Easy. I think she's going to LOVE it here.

Now to convince my dad that he wants to come visit and bring my bed...

Friday, July 14, 2006


First of all, I went to see Blue County at Dave & Buster's last night. I had never been there before. What a fun place! And I actually liked their food. If Shopryland (I didn't make that up, but I liked it and I stole it) weren't so chaotic most of the time, D&B's might be a good place for a date. Not like I have dates, but if I did I might want to go there. The music was great, and Scott and Aaron are soooo much fun. You go to too many concerts when folks recognize you. Scott and Aaron were glad that I'd moved to Tennessee, and the girl at the radio station asked me how my sandbar passes were on Saturday. I ended up eating dinner with a girl from KennyLand. I didn't remember her name until the end of the evening when we exchanged email addresses, but I think I managed pretty gracefully. We're planning to meet up again next week because I guess there is a free concert every week.

Speaking of BC, if you go to CMT's Web site, you can watch their new video "Firecrackers and Ferris Wheels." If you like it, e-mail CMT and call your local country station and request it. These guys are amazing artists and they need all the help they can get. Their first CD was good, and their second CD is going to be much better.

I kinda-sorta have a job. The temp agency found me something that is better than no job at all. But I am still working my ass off to find a "real" job. I sent out a lot of resumes over the last few days, and some of them have been the best opportunities I've seen since I got here. Not jinxing anything, but I have a few great leads, and I'm hoping something will materialize.

I just don't want to work constantly to make ends meet. And until I get a really good job I'm going to have to do that for now. I'm just sick of being poor. So, I am still pounding the pavement, but I'm going to try my hand at some other stuff too. I just hope I find something soon, because I totally don't want to be an admin the rest of my life. I'm not saying that to diminish those who are admins, because I know it's a very important job. God knows I've loved every admin I've worked with. But we all know that I'm here because I want to focus on my writing and my media work. Being an admin just isn't going to get me where I need to be career-wise. BUT if I have to stay there I'll get insurance in 90 days, so maybe I can get my two baby teeth that have decided to call it quits after 30 years taken care of.

So, I guess I'm not going to be homeless anytime soon. (I don't think.) I am really starting to love it here, and I can't wait until I get a gig that's pretty 9 to 5 so I can focus on getting a life other than job-hunting. I had a lot of fun out over the weekend, but it's sooo hard when you don't have a job.

I have been thinking about things I hate about being poor. I really do not like buying all my hair products at Wal-mart. I'm hoping I'll be able to scrape together money to at least get my hair cut sometime soon. I need something that works a little better with humidity, I think.

I hate that I always buy all my bras at the same time, and it's just about time for new ones and I can't afford to buy them right now.

I hate that I had to worry about spending $5 on socks last week. That's scary, if you think about it.

But at the same time, I'll hate that I can't work on my couch while I watch Law & Order all day. Small price to pay to not be unemployed, though.

Sweet dreams

For those who have been missing this...

Thursday, July 13, 2006

My last post...

So, a few weeks ago one of my blogger buddies, Anne, had a run-in with another blogger. This woman emailed her and asked her to stop visiting her blog and commenting. Apparently this woman is a Christian and didn't want people to think she associated with Anne because of some of the content on Anne's blog. All of Anne's IIFs seemed to think that this woman was not being particularly Christian in her attitude.

Anyhow, you should all know by now that I just say whatever comes to my mind. Really this is a type of diary for me and I just feel the urge to post it for all the world to see. I think that it makes me feel like a legitimate writer that way. It's much better than waiting until I'm dead and someone publishing my hand-written journal, only I wouldn't be there to enjoy it.

Not that my blogging experience has been all sunshine and posies. I've had some folks who were not-so-nice stop by. I know I've pissed folks off. Some of it has been intentional or a side-effect of me being upset by something. Other times it's been completely accidental. Oh well, it happens. Hell, Anne Coulter pisses people off every time she picks up a pen. (And rightly so.)

There are lots of different folks on the Internet. Lots of different types of folks blog for lots of different types of reasons. I know that some folks who read my blog, whom I'd consider to be friends of mine, have different values and beliefs than I do. I was just thinking about that because it's a little unlike me to pretty much come out and mention that I need to get laid on my blog. And while I hope not to offend folks, at the same time, it's my blog. The thoughts here are my thoughts. I'm not going to lie in my blog and I try really hard not to censor myself for my audience. I just say what I think, what I feel, what I believe. And I guess if folks don't like it, there are a gazillion other blogs for them to visit.

Not sure what brought that up. Guess I'm just saying that I'm cognizant of my audience, but I also realize that it's kind of like you're all peaking in the curtains of my mind and soul.

Well, if I haven't scared you off, stay tuned tomorrow. A sneak preview: free concerts, job updates and some other stuff I'm forgetting right now...

Thought of the day...

Say you have a suitor. And your suitor tells you all the things he likes about you.

One of the things that he lists is that you have old-fashioned values.

Now, to some extent this is true. You teach Sunday School. You think girls today need to cover up a little bit more. You wouldn't consider yourself to be slutty in any way.

But in the back of your head you have to wonder: Does this mean he thinks I won't put out?

Because seriously at this point that totally needs to be on the table.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Job hunt

So my roommate asks me today if I want to go back to Ohio for August because there is a guy who wanted to rent my room. She said if I thought I wasn't going to be able to find a job that she'd just let me out of my lease.

Yes, I know that every day I don't have a job is a little more uncomfortable than the day before. But I think I'll be OK. I'm going to try to make this work as best I can.

I have been looking for jobs all day. I applied for a few online and actually have an interview this evening. It'd be a little rough trying to make it on what they want to pay me, but at this point it's better than $0, which is where I'll be in three weeks.

I am actually heading over to the local career center. There's a job posted with the state, and apparently I need to go in and get a referral to apply. It'd be a great job, so do y'all have your fingers crossed? I'll have something even if it won't be ideal. I probably shouldn't have hedged on the job from last week, but they really couldn't afford me. It was a full-time, permanant placement and the money was so low that I'm not even sure I could've made it with a second job.

Anyhow, I will keep you all posted. If you can cross your fingers that'd be cool too.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Absolutely exhausted...

I have no idea how long this post will be, since I'm supposed to be recreating the last 4 crazy days of my life. Bear with me, and feel free to stop reading at any time.

The excitement of my life started Thursday afternoon. I ran some errands and was doing laundry, knowing that on Friday I was headed off to stay in a suite for the weekend with my friends. (Yes, I'm one of those people that never does laundry until I'm wearing my "laundry day" clothes or going on a trip.)

I was just trucking along. I had laundry in both the washer and the dryer.

My phone rang at 3 p.m. My friend Julie had already arrived in town, and she couldn't get her laptop on the Internet. Could I come to her hotel and help her?

I left a note to my roommates saying I'd be back later that evening. Oh silly me.

When I get to Julie's she hands me a beer. We set off to Best Buy/Wal-mart/etc. to find some type of network card for Julie's computer. We never did find it, and we gave up because it was time to pick our friend Lindsay up at the airport. We drank again there. I think I had something with Malibu in it.

When we arrived back at the hotel with Lindsay, we found out more of our friends were there and others were en route. We went swimming while we waited. I invited everyone to come over to my house and throw some burgers on the grill, but they didn't want me to have to clean up and such. That was probably not so bad, because I just got home for good today at 11 a.m. Although if I had been home, I may not have ended up closing down Broadway on Thursday.

But I did. We went to Hooters for dinner. (It was surprisingly good.) Then we headed out and hit the honkytonks until we ended up at Legends. We stayed there until last call, which here in Tennessee is 2:30 a.m.

(Did I mention I had a job interview at 10 a.m. Friday? It wasn't really a job I wanted, but I think she liked me anyhow. I guess I'll see...)

We went back to the hotel to wait for Lynn and Leslie, who were supposed to arrive at 4 a.m. I took a nap because I had an interview. And because if I drank one more drop of liquor I would've thrown up. We ran a few crew guys as they were heading to the Coliseum from the Louisville show about 4 a.m. They were off to take quick naps and everyone was to be back for load-in at 7 a.m. When I went home at 7 to get ready for my interview, it was soooo tempting to make a detour.

After my interview I went home and did laundry. I also had to run a few errands. I had to be packed before Amy and Jenny arrived at my house. Then we were picking Kay up at the airport. Except Amy and Jenny had BIG car trouble, so then I was on my own for picking up Kay. I did that and we checked into the hotel. And then I brought her back to my house where she visited with my roommates while I packed. We arrived back at the hotel and I got ready to go out Friday night. Amy and Jenny came and we were off to the races.

We had sooooo much fun Friday night. A big group of us met at my favorite restaurant for dinner because we were able to reserve a private room there that looked out over the Cumberland River. Through the windows, we noticed that Ed and the crew were working very hard to get the stadium ready for us. We were able to listen to the soundcheck from the restaurant, which was very cool.

We hit the bars after that. We went to Coyote Ugly, where Ultimate Coyote winner Kassie was tending bar. She's a really sweet girl. She met up with us again on Saturday at the concert. Somewhere someone has a picture of all of us, so I'll have to post that at some point.

We met up with Kayla and Bobbi at Robert's Western World and we spent quite a bit of time there. Because Robert's plays a lot of classic country (especially their house band Brazilbilly), there were a lot of -- how to put this? -- mature folks in the crowd. And since Amy was not much for getting hit on by dirty old men, we headed up to the surprisingly empty upstairs bar, but not before I was felt-up by a man who looked suspiciously like Elvis. We went up there where never waited for a drink and serenaded the bartender with Hank Williams and Johnny Cash tunes.

Somehow we ended up at Legends again, because I wanted to try the Honkytonk Lemonade. Probably not the best drink to end with when you've been drinking all night, but it was fun. Did I mention that Thursday night I made a new friend there? The bouncer and I had been discussing some country singers (not naming names) that we believed were overrated, and we have surprisingly similar tastes in music. Well, when I arrived Friday he gave me a huge hug. And then he'd leave his post to come chit-chat with me.

Before he left, he invited me to come see him sing Sunday morning. Because Kay and I both thought he was cute, we quickly put that on our agenda.

Saturday was show day, and we got a late start. I took Amy and Jenny sight-seeing and we had lunch. Then we ran back to the hotel, quickly got ready and battled the traffic to the big tailgate party. My Jello jiggler shots were a huge success, and they escape the scrutiny of even the toughest police officer. (We met him, so we know.) We went and got our sandbar passes at will call, hung out with our friends (and Kassie who joined our tailgate party and remembered our group from the night before!!!) We reconnected with new friends and old, drank a little too much and headed inside for the show.

The show was good. I missed Little Big Town because I had to get Andrea's tickets to her. That's cool. I'd seen them at Fan Fair and I could hear them, so I was happy. They are pretty good. I'd forgotten about them when I'd said that I didn't like any groups in country music right now.

Dierks is always great. Big and Rich were amazing. I hadn't seen them before. Kenny should get some pyro for his show too. John Rich is cute, and Big Kenny really isn't that big.

Gretchen Wilson disappointed me. I loved her set last year. It was perfect. I wish she hadn't changed it one little bit. She left out some good stuff and added some stuff that the audience just wasn't digging. I also think she's gotten a little too thin. She used to be really pretty. She looked cute at the end with Kenny when she wore a ball cap and white t-shirt. That's the Gretchen that I'm a fan of.

Speaking of disappointing sets, Kenny left out lots of favorites. But the show was fun, and he seems really happy. I'm sure he was very excited to have all the people who love him in the audience that night. The VIP section had plenty of VIPs, including Nicole and Keith, who are just soooo cute together. I think Keith has gotten gold-ring syndrome because he is very hot since he got married. It might have just been his shirt. Anyhow, would've much rather heard "How Forever Feels" than "Somebody Like You," but I'll live.

It's exhausting to stand for eight hours in the July sunshine in Tennessee, so I was beat by the end of the show. I'm pretty sure I had a little heat exhaustion going on, but I was fine when I grabbed a water AND a Gatorade after a show. I guess someone found a dead lady in one of the bathrooms, so I guess I fared OK even though I felt like I'd been beaten with a baseball bat when it was over. General Admission at a Kenny Chesney show is not the best idea. Crazy fans.

That's our report for Saturday. Too tired to go out drinking. We did hit the Taco Bell on West End before we hopped on the Interstate. Saw a guy who looked and sounded like Tim McGraw driving one of those horse-drawn carriage tours. Only in Nashville.

Sunday morning we sent Amy and Jenny back to Indiana, which was very sad. Then Kay and I went back to sleep for a couple of hours before getting ready to head downtown to see our troubadour.

Can I tell you this man lit up when we walked in the door? We hopped up at the bar (front-row seats two nights in a row!). After his song was done, he said "I never thought y'all would make it after being out all night last night. Or the last three nights really." And then he came over and talked to us a few songs later. He was very shocked that we were drinking whiskey. We stayed for every song he sang and had a great time talking to him. He does this every week apparently. Might have to go again, although I may never get back to St. Ann's again if I do that. So, we'll need a new plan.

We went to lunch at the Old Spaghetti Factory. It's beautiful and the food was fantastic. A waiter overheard me say something about being drunk for three days straight (we'd been drinking at the bar so we were actually on day 4 at that point). He interrupted our conversation, and next thing we know he's inviting us to Lonnie's for buckets of beers after we get done with dinner because his shift's almost over.

Do y'all believe that I went? Totally not like me. Well, he stood us up, but we did get to see a guy who was a dead-ringer for George Freaking Jones doing karaoke. I should've gotten my picture taken with him for Larry. I was about to sing Delta Dawn when Lindsay called and it was time to pick her up at Opryland and take her to the airport.

Kay and I ate lunch leftovers for dinner, tried to go in the hotel's hot tub. There were kids using it for a kiddie pool and that must've been because the heater seemed to be broken and it was freezing. Oh well, it was a nice thought.

We looked at pictures from the show and then headed to bed, where we ended up talking and smoking (OK, she smoked.) for about 2 hours.

This morning I was very sad to drop Kay off at the airport. I'm hoping we can all do this again soon.

I came home, hugged the dogs, downloaded my pictures, read 8 billion emails, looked for a job and rested.

Tomorrow it's back to the grindstone.

A sneak preview...

Wow. The last four days have been very interesting. And I got A LOT of visitors while I was gone, so I'll apologize now for nothing new. Not like I had time for such things. Sorry. Believe it or not, there are days I'm too busy to even turn my computer on. (Or having too much fun to care, which was 99% of why I haven't been here.)

I don't even know where to start. I don't even know how I will ever cover it all.

Let me give you some highlights:

1. Having dozens of my friends in town.
2. Getting kidnapped and being forced to drink and dance with boys against my will. (Except that one boy. Sorry, just couldn't do it.)
3. An awesome dinner Friday night. Private room with a great view. The musical entertainment was fab.
4. Sunday morning serenades from a very cute, sensitive singer-songwriter-type.
5. Jello. Magic jello.
6. Ken and the boys. Enough said.
7. Seeing Nicole Kidman in person. Wow. She's pretty.
8. Sleepovers are just as fun now as they were in high school.

But it was sad to make that last trip to the airport today. I already miss everyone dreadfully, but I can't wait until we get to do it again.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Nothing new to report, really...

We went to the fireworks last night. They were really awesome. And we ended up being very close because I didn't realize where they set them off and then next thing I know there they are lighting them up right in front of us. We went to Market Place while the traffic died down to have bikini martinis and barbecue. They have awesome corn bread. I shouldn't always order the same thing every time.

My interview went well today and I had a voice mail from the gal at the temp agency but every time I called she was on the phone. Hopefully not giving people the job that I want. I should know this week if I am somehow gainfully employed again. That'd be really nice, and I could worry less this weekend.

Nothing else going on. I went to Target and bought really nice running socks. Only in my world is that exciting.

Song of the Day: Dixieland Delight by Alabama. Another song that reminds me why I live in the Southland.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Just checking in...

Tomorrow I think I might celebrate July 4th with some margaritas by the pool at my friend's house, and then the free concert/fireworks down at Riverfront Park. Those of you who are not here in the fine Music City can watch it live on GAC, I guess.

I can't believe that several of my friends are convening here in Nashville this weekend. It's going to be fun. And amazingly, not a single house guest. I'm a little surprised, but not devastated because my furniture has not yet arrived. Dad swears it's coming soon, though.

Did you know you can buy Mackinac Fudge online and have it shipped to your house? That's cruel. I also found out that they make little personalized boxes of fudge as wedding favors. I may suggest it to my brother, since he proposed to Srta. Benitez Up North.

OK, so today I heard "Daddy's Hands" on the radio and it reminded me of an interesting anecdote from my dad's 50th birthday party. We had a big catered shindig and invited everyone. It was a surprise, and we did such a good job that my brother told us Dad almost cancelled at the last minute. Thank goodness he didn't.

Anyhow, before Dad's party, I practiced forever because I was going to sing Daddy's Hands for my dad. If I ever get married (yes, this is where you can laugh) I figure I will dance with my dad to that song. Or maybe Tough Little Boys by Gary Allan. You never know with me.

Lance, being the actual singer/songwriter that he is, gets up on stage after me and sings and plays "Love Without End, Amen" by George Strait.

My cousin Mary was never known for being a tactful person. In fact, I am pretty sure that she spent a majority of her adult life strung out on something. A few weeks ago, she had that last drug overdose that finally did her in. I wasn't really shocked or saddened, it was one of those things we all expected; we just didn't know when until it happened. She was 36 years old. She had three kids, but she'd never really been a mom to them anyhow. Even though I wasn't her biggest fan, I was saddened when the reports of her funeral arrived in Nashville and I heard how my aunt's preacher -- her mother's preacher (her mom has denounced the Catholic Church.) -- pretty much said at her funeral that she was going to hell. I didn't particularly like her or the things she did, but I wouldn't ever say she was going to hell. That's not my call. And it's surely not acceptable at what's supposed to be a celebration of her life. Of course this "Christian" minister seized the opportunity to use Mary as an example, so that all the other heathens might be saved and come to Jesus. That minister should probably thank Jesus every day that I couldn't leave Nashville for the funeral. I'm not one to mince words.

Where was I? Oh, off the soap box and back to Dad's party. After Lance and I sang our songs for Dad, Mary says rather loudly "If one more person sings a sad song about their dad, I am going to off myself."

What could you do but laugh, really?

When I heard Daddy's Hands today, I remembered that story. And I laughed. Then I finally cried for Mary. God rest her soul.

Here's some food for thought. (Pardon the pun.) Scientists recently studied 9,000 obese people and came to this conclusion:

Most obese people are not jolly. In fact, they are more likely to experience depression and other mood disorders.

No fucking duh. Wonder how much that study cost. Read the whole thing here.

Venting helps...

I feel much better now. I also feel better that someone bought the extra tickets and I think that everyone is accounted for. And some lucky young man is going to have a very happy girlfriend on his hands. Lucky for him!!!

The interview went well today. Basically this gal was very optimistic that she'll be able to place me in at least something temporary, but has a few permanant things in the cooker too.

I have that second interview on Wednesday. It's a group interview, so I'm just not sure how that'll work out for me. We'll see...

Did I tell y'all what Fr. Breen said on Sunday about trusting God? He said that the reason people have so much trouble trusting God is because of all the times that they've been burned by people whom they've trusted. How sad is that, really? I guess I can relate to that. Everything that went on the last few days is just part of it. Somedays I hate that there are certain folks who ruin it for everyone that follows them.

Just today I got an anonymous comment on my blog from someone who said they were praying for me and that they liked my blog. And because of all the trouble I've had with anonymous comments in the past, instead of taking the words at face value, I wondered if there were something behind it. I just still can't bring myself to publish anonymous comments. I hate it, but I have to stick with my policy. At the same time I hate the thought of forcing folks to register for blogger either. And I really don't want to shut the comments off like I had to several months ago. Hell, I've made some really great friends from folks leaving comments on my blog. I'm sure I'll figure it out. The comment moderation does seem to help, but every once in a while something just doesn't sit right with something that's said. And, of course, I guess I feel like because I'm out here with my name on all my thoughts and feelings, it's the least the commenters can do.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

For me...

It's about time for bed. I have an interview tomorrow at 9 a.m., and I'm going to nail it.

Just in case any of you were wondering.

And when I get home I'm going to send my resume to everyone in town who doesn't have it yet.

Plus do a whole bunch of other things. And whatever they are, they will be great.

Thank you for believing in me. It means more than you'll ever know.

Not to sound bitchy, but...

OK, we all know that no good can come from that phrase. Because no matter what the person says, it's going to sound bitchy.

"Not trying to sound bitchy, but you're a little bit of a slut."

"Not trying to sound bitchy, but your ass looks huge in those pants."

Or my new favorite.

"Not trying to sound bitchy, but we all have money problems. Join the club."

I am a worry-wart and I'm quite panicked about not having a job, but I'm not one to bitch and moan about money. I don't have a lot left at this point and I'm quite worried that I'm going to end up living in a homeless shelter soon, but I guess that I haven't been whining about it enough.

Not trying to sound bitchy, but I'm guessing that the person who told me to join the club never has been or probably never will be in the club I'm in right now.

Buckle up, boys and girls, you're in for a ride. I'm about to let you in on the whole sordid affair. And then I'll stop bitching about it. Unless you tell me something retarded like you have the same money problems as me when you're single, live with your parents, have a full-time job and health insurance. Because not to sound bitchy, but you don't.

Yes, I moved out on my own when I lived with my parents. But there were no jobs there and there are jobs here. Unfortunately I don't yet have one, but allegedly they're here.

I have three weeks of unemployment and $680 in the bank. My rent's due this week. My car payment is about 25 days past-due and I haven't updated my address with them because I don't want them to know where I live so they can't repo my car.

Needless to say, my financial situation is quite precarious. I have student loans, car payments, light bills, insurance, rent. Real, live grown-up bills. And in three weeks, I won't have a dime to pay any of them. And yes, I'm scared shitless.

It's not hopeless. I have two interviews this week and I haven't exhausted every lead I have. But I just don't want to hear about money problems from someone who knows where they'll be living August 1st, who isn't worried about General Motors taking their car back and whose mama is still going to put a meal on the table for them if they are suddenly broke. You don't get it. You're not in my club.

There are a lot of things I could do with $90. It sure as hell isn't having any fun. The only place I went all weekend was church because I can't afford to pay attention. Yes, I'm going to a concert next weekend because a friend who owed me $90 bought my ticket. I have no idea how I'm going to pay for all the merriment my friends have planned. I suspect I'll be the girl with an ice water all night.

The $90 that I got screwed out of could've paid my electric bill and my insurance for one month. It could've bought 3 weeks of groceries. It could've paid for the gas to visit my parents who I miss dreadfully.

Yes, I've chosen this life, but when it isn't working out exactly how I'd like it to, I need my friends to support me not make my life more stressful.

And, for the record, starting a sentence out with "I'm sorry" instead of "Not to sound bitchy, but..." would've done a lot more to salvage our friendship.

Don't make it sound like my fault. My only fault was trusting a friend and believing that "I'll pay you when I get to town" didn't mean "I'll pay you when I get to town unless I can get a cheaper ticket from someone else."

I just wish that the lesson I'd learned had only been about $90... True friendship doesn't have a price tag.

I think I should read my Bible more...

I don't think I have to do more than share Today's Readings with you all. I cried during church. Fr. Breen has the best homilies. This was a long week.

I'm still not sure what to do about the whole issue that really was the straw that broke the camel's back. Right now, I'm doing the very Christian thing and keeping my mouth shut. Because if I say anything right now, I'm probably going to burn bridges.

So, I'll sit here and try to decide if the bridge was already burned when I got to it or if there's something here to salvage. But at this particular second, I'm just not sure.

Anyhow, the readings at a Catholic mass are designed that if you went to Mass (or read your Bible everyday), you'd read the whole Bible in three years. I don't know how a particular reading is chosen on a given day. But I'm thinking with the last two week's readings that I'd be getting a lot of wisdom if I got back in the habit of reading everyday.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Did I tell y'all...

... about the creep that I "met" recently?

If I haven't remind me and I owe y'all a little story.

What's the point in having a blog if you can't warn your friends about the piggy guys who roam the earth?

But I'll shush now. A migraine has rolled into town and I can't do it justice until Mr. Headache goes on his way, and I don't want to ruin it.

Is anybody out there?

This is one of those times that I wish people didn't read my blog. But they do. Oh well. I'm not sure who'll see this and who won't. I won't go into specifics because I guess I'm such a nice person I wouldn't want anyone to be embarrassed by me telling you about their behavior. I've just been disappointed a lot lately, some people were people from which it's expected, and others were a total surprise.

You know there are some folks who think I'm a pretty shitty friend. Now, I've always suspected that's because they wouldn't recognize a good friend because they are incapable of being one. Now, I know I'm not a bad friend. In fact, most people would accuse me of perhaps being a better friend than I really need to be. I'm too nice. And sometimes that's not a good thing.

Well, right now, I'm feeling like I don't think I'll ever do another nice thing for another person as long as I live. I'm sick of being nice to people and not being treated the same in return. And yes, I understand life is not fair. But I've been really stressed out lately, and you'd think a good friend would help make things better, not make them worse.

And besides, am I the only person who feels like one's word still means something these days?

Song of the day is "Leave the Pieces," by the Wreckers. I liked it before I realized that it totally fits right now.

Leave The Pieces

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Leave the pieces when you go
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go

The dumbest thing I've ever seen...

So, I'm checking my email on Yahoo today and you know those changing ads in the corner?

I see one with a cartoon character that looks strikingly familiar, and then I realize what it is. It's the animated likeness of Daimler-Chrysler chairman Dieter Zetsche. Now, I will just leave my commentary on the whole DCX "merger" to myself, but I do want to talk about this Web site.

Anyhow, this cartoon character is promoting a new Web site called, where you can ask the cartoon likeness of Dr. Zetsche any question your heart desires about DaimlerChrysler products. I didn't spend much time there, because frankly I was scared, but I'm betting that from Dodge Neon to Mercedes S-class, "Dr. Z" has it under control.

Maybe it's Daimler's attempt to connect with the public since they're often seen as aloof and out of touch, especially with American consumers. Maybe someone at some interactive marketing agency had too much Red Bull one day. I don't know. I just know that I thought it was dumb.

Y'all go check it out and if anyone feels the urge to buy a new car when you're done, let me know.

Wonder how Rick Wagoner and William Clay Ford will top them? Or if they'll even try?