Does anybody read these?

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Great plans

I'll never forget when I decided to make one of my less-smart career moves in life.

I had a great interview, and I had run into my friend Lisa in the locker room at the gym. I told her what I was thinking about doing.

And she said, "Oh, I don't know, Laura. Those people have a reputation for getting a great idea, doing it for about a year, running out of money and steam, and then shutting the project down."

About halfway through my tenure there, I realized that I was their next big project. And, they were running out of steam, which was making it hard for me to find money.

About a year after my conversation with Lisa in the locker room at the gym, I was having breakfast with my boss.

I don't really need to tell you how the story ends.

As I've had 24 hours to reflect on the hell that is my life at this current moment, I realize what has gone wrong.

Thomas has a good heart, but he's one of those people who gets excited about stuff. He got excited about moving out on his own. And it was fun until he realized he had to do his own laundry, clean up after himself and pay money every month for rent and utilities.

And eventually he ran out of steam. So, he said he ran out of money.

I understand his family is having financial troubles, and that sucks. But after nine months and who-knows-how-many-thousands of dollars, I can tell you that the only thing I've learned in therapy was that it isn't your job to save the world. It's no one's job to save anyone but themselves.

And you have to let them do it.

So, live and let learn. I am very thankful to have an amazing friend who happens to have a kind heart and a nice-sized bank account who totally bailed me out yesterday. And I can live like a pauper for a few months and I will manage until Michelle gets there. I may see if I can trim the bills. I may see if i can cut off the home phone and the alarm system, although that scares me with just two girls living there.

In the meantime, if you know anyone who needs a bedroom in a really nice house with two really cool girls, give them my number...

Tuesday, June 01, 2010


Whenever someone leaves, everyone always tries to cheer you up by saying, "Well, it's his/her loss."

That's very sweet, but it's bullshit.

Yet another person walked away. Another person I really cared about and would do anything for. And, yet again, I lost what had become my surrogate family here in Nashville.

So, it is my loss. And at the end of the day, I will probably be better off. But it still hurts right now. I will still miss those people who had been like a family to me. People whom I thought would do anything for me, but just ended up completely, totally and royally fucking me and burning all bridges as they walked away.

Friends don't sneak into the house while you're at work, load up all their stuff and then leave the keys and a hundred-dollar bill on the kitchen table (when they owed you many times that).

I am sure that whoever I meet on the Internet to be my new roommate will be quite pleasant, since I am obviously the worst judge of character EVER.

But maybe I should take my chances with strangers, since friends seem to like to completely and totally fuck you over. I just feel bad, because I never, ever would've left Jane's house, which I loved, if I would've realized that people were going to play me like a harp.

Oh well. Lesson learned. At least it'll be quiet and no one will bitch about my snoring now. Even though I have no idea who's going to paint my house and put my ceiling fans in...